Supporting Women-Led Households During Crisis: The Colin James Barth Outreach

Today, I sit down with Julie Barth — author, trauma survivor, and founder of The Colin James Barth Outreach (CJB Outreach) — to discuss how tragedy can transform into a mission of hope. As a mother of six and widow who has walked through the pain of loss, abuse, and survival, Ms. Barth shares how she built a nonprofit dedicated to supporting women-led households in crisis.

Ms. Barth opens up about the unimaginable challenges of raising a special-needs daughter with Primordial Dwarfism, navigating medical malpractice, and later losing her husband, Colin, to stage-four pancreatic cancer at just 34 years old. She also shares her battle to rebuild after an emotionally abusive relationship and how she turned pain into purpose through the founding of CJB Outreach — an organization that helps women bridge financial, emotional, and resource gaps before they fall into poverty.

We talk about trusting your intuition, rebuilding identity after loss, and the importance of individualized care in crisis support. Ms. Barth explains how her organization connects women to existing resources while stepping in to fill unmet needs like legal fees, childcare, and remote-work opportunities. We also discuss her book Notes From a Blackberry, a raw and emotional memoir documenting her family’s journey through illness, caregiving, grief, and resilience.

https://www.cjboutreach.org/

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*Couple O' Nukes LLC and Mr. Whiskey are not licensed medical entities, nor do they take responsibility for any advice or information put forth by guests. Take all advice at your own risk.

Transcript

 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of KA Nukes. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey, and today we are going to be getting into. Some pretty serious topics. Obviously on the show we do a lot of trauma conversations on recovery and healing and just sharing personal stories. Today one of the things we'll be focusing on is supporting women-led households in times of crisis.

I think this is super important, especially in the case of women who are alone or the other people in their family or their situation are unable to help out or they are taking care of them. And one thing I do wanna promote real quick here is on my website, I have a free resource for women who are pregnant.

Whether you're a young woman or a middle aged woman, whatever it may be. And you find yourself alone and overwhelmed. It's an abortion alternatives guide so that if you are considering abortion, these are all the resources so that you don't have to go down that route, especially financially. That's a huge burden on a lot of women who are.

Moving toward that direction. It's financially driven, but this free resource guide on my website, it has all the different nonprofits and organizations that help out women with groceries, with finances, with medical trips, and just also. Faith-based organizations, non-faith based organizations.

So if you are pregnant and alone and overwhelmed, I do want to plug that because obviously, we'll be talking about women-led households today. And then we're here with a powerful woman, a mother of six, and a trauma survivor, founder of the Colin James Barth Outreach. Ms. Julie Barth. So great to have you here.

And could you please tell us a little bit about yourself? Sure. Hi. Thank you for having me. I have a background that I've been through many different experiences. I have a special needs daughter who has something called Primorial Dwarfism. And when she was born, there was a whole bunch of medical malpractice, which led into, a series of surgeries.

And I was only 30 at the time and there was no Google. So again, that's, probably a positive and a negative, but right as we were getting her, my, my first husband, I met him when we were in third grade, and he was pretty much my entire adult life as well as my young life.

So I don't really remember a time when he wasn't around. We added two more to our family and had four. And Tatum, who was the one with special needs, was kind of taking off after all the. Surgeries and, and just mishaps. And we found out that he had stage four pancreatic cancer. So, the minute we found out, my youngest was six months, my oldest was 10, and it, they, the prognosis was take him home and at the time he was only 34.

And it was like, take him home, let him say goodbye to his children. And I didn't really, yeah, it was pretty ter and I, we were so young that neither one of us could have really seen that coming. So it's not as if we had planned for it. Obviously, if you could ever plan for something like that.

So, the good news and sometimes the bad news is he ended up living 16 months, but, again, I'm shuffling four kids, trying to care to him and by the time. He passed in 2009. I had just finally, gotten to the point where I just couldn't sit in my grief anymore. And although other people were just starting to grieve, it was, I was in a position where I had watched a little piece of him, leave every day.

So I ended up getting into a second relationship kind of as a distraction, I guess, or just to, kind of try and put my past and my past and not acknowledge it. And just like, I was like, I'm just gonna start over. It led to a decade of ter pretty terrible emotional abuse. So, when I took all of those experiences, combining them, after he came after me and sued me, and I, I did finally win.

But it was not without losing everything or whatever, what I thought was everything at the time. So that's where the Colin James Barthes CJB outreach came from is just to try. There's been so many versions of me, whether that's a special needs mom who, like she needed different vaccines that, for RSV that cost $2,000 and I couldn't, you don't, you don't know what you need till you get into that situation.

And when you're in crisis, you don't have time to research and look. So that's the kind of the premise under why I opened up our charity. And what we, what we're focusing on is just trying to help women with a, to fill in those gaps of what they need and the services. Because often in these situations, you have to lose it all before anyone will step into help you.

And we're trying to kind of stop women before they fall into poverty. Yeah, for sure. And one thing I wanna start with obviously is. The name Colin James Barth Outreach. Obviously Barth is your last name. Where did the Colin James come from? That was my husband's first name. Colin James. So he passed, like I said, he passed in 2009.

Yeah. So why did you decide to name the organization after him? It's funny 'cause I, I, I think of that often, like a woman's led organization, why it's named after a man. And the reason why I decided to do that is because, there were a lot of people that stepped up when he got sick and took care of us as a family.

But I think the one, the one thing that really hurt him the most throughout the entire journey, obviously was in pain all the time with cancer, but. I, I think the angst of not being able to care for his family was one prevalent theme that really just, I could see it in him. We hadn't planned, he, he, he couldn't do anything to help us.

So I, I think that he would be proud to know that his name is attached to an organization that, is slated to. He had sisters, he had a mom, he had a wife, he had children, and I think he would be very honored to be that. Beacon for women who, are in a position to not take care of their families.

'cause I know that that really hurt him at the time not being able to do that. Yeah, I understand that aspect of it. And I'm really curious, I was just having this conversation the other day about divorce and, remarrying and, and moving on and also when there's the passing of a loved one.

'Cause I was. In a relationship for a couple years and, and that's now over and I still struggle with the idea of moving on and, everything being attached to that person. When you spend, so I mean, you mentioned a third grade, that's a long time of doing everything together, of everything.

Kind of reminding you how, I know you ended up in a, a not so good relationship. How were you able to move on and, and not, I guess, feel. Guilty or disassociate stuff from that previous relationship. Well, I'm, I'm glad you asked that because, I think I, I did struggle with why, everyone from the outside is why, why did you do that?

Why did you get into the relationship? Why did you stay in the relationship? I think what happened was, I, I did, my entire identity was tied to my first husband. We, everything. So when he passed away I, I couldn't, I couldn't grieve, everyone was like, slow down, take the time to grieve, and, and I was so, because I couldn't go through the steps of healing and processing it and getting to the other side where it would've been healthy for me to move on.

I just wanted to throw it all away, not deal with it, packet into, a little box and, and just move thinking, well, if I move away, if I don't acknowledge it, if I just put that in my past, then it can't hurt me. But I think unfortunately when, you are given certain defense mechanisms throughout life to make it through the trials and tribulations that you have to go through and, and they're.

They help you, otherwise you wouldn't make it through. But if you don't acknowledge that you're still using those defense mechanisms to guard yourself from. Shield yourself from hurt and you don't allow yourself to heal, then I think you make rash decisions or you, you settle for things that don't make sense just because you're trying to get out of the situation you're in.

And I think that is why I got so taken up in the second relationship is because I thought, oh, well if I just move away, you know what happened happened. I can't do anything about it, so I'm just gonna forget it and start all over and be this new person. And unfortunately, when you. Try and move on too quickly or.

Try and jump from one thing to the next, not being fully prepared. Only half of you jumps and the other half stays behind. So you're really working on a wounded heart, and it's hard to, you can't really give someone your heart if there's only half of it. And, I, I found that dissociation where half of me was, this mother and, and my whole identity.

And then I only had half an identity with the other person. And I was trying so hard to put it in my past, but not, not in a healthy way. But just ignore it. So yeah, I think that everyone has to come to the table to deal with whatever baggage they're dealing with. And, I, I moved because I didn't want, it was our, our dream home and we had, so I thought, well, if I move, it'll change, but it didn't.

Right. If, if I marry someone else, then it will replace him and it, it, it necessarily can't. So, for anyone out there who's, wondering, 'cause it, it, heartbreak of any sort is. As we all know, it's, it, it altered your life. But I think everyone says, wait a year, I, I don't think there's any magic timeline.

Yeah. You just, yeah. When, when you're ready to unpack and look at everything, you will be ready. But trying to think that you can just skip over it and it won't come back. It, I, I tend to think it will always come back and. I don't know that you'll ever free. I, I don't think I'll ever stop grieving my first husband.

People always say that as if like, well, you didn't grieve as if it's a once and done thing. I think you grieve things your entire life. It becomes less as you go on. But there's always going to be that peace that you know will be with you. I guess that's why I tried to make a positive out of making the charity is because if, if I can take the meaninglessness of losing him and make something positive out of it, or the meaninglessness of anything hard that you go through I think it, it makes it less of a challenge and more of a power for you to, to push forward and, and make something good come out of it.

We've had some episodes on this show about grieving the loss of a loved one or a heartbreak, and one of the things we talked about is the misconception of the steps of grieving being linear. Some people will get to the third or fourth stage and then go back to the, to the beginning and go back to the denial, and so.

I think it's important to know that, like you said, it's not a one size fits all. Like everyone agrees at a different rate in a different way. Some people it's complete shut off in isolation. For some people it's workaholism, for other people. It's in, in your case, in, in mine actually in the past with, I went through a dating phase where.

It was as soon as one relationship was over, I would go into the next to try to move on to forget about all that. And then I would find myself hurting over, the past relationship while still in that relationship. And you said it best, it was like, I couldn't love, it wasn't that I didn't love and value the, the new partner, right.

Because I, I did, but part of me was still in that old relationship still. And so I completely agree with what you said, and I think it's. Very difficult, but I do appreciate and like the, trying to make something purposeful of it. And I think I thought of my, my mom, we lost my half-sister and my mom said.

That there are just some days are worse than others. Some days she'll see or hear something that, that really reminds her of her daughter and it's just a worse day than other days. So I, I get that and I think it's important. So you talked about moving on to another relationship unhealthfully and consequently that being a bad relationship.

Can you kind of expound on on what that emotional abuse entailed? So when I got together again, I was in a town where everyone knew us. Everyone knew our story, and they, they showed up for us big time. So, I have nothing but great things to say, but unfortunately, when he passed away, I kind, I, I kind of became the beacon of sadness, everywhere I'd go if I said like, oh, my name's Julie Barth, it would be like, oh gosh, that's, heavy.

Um hmm. So that's kind of, why I moved away and did what I did. But you know, the person that I was with, I met him, he was significantly younger in a different stage in life, really. I had four children and he was, he was young without children. And, and the, the freedom with which he. Was very flippant with things.

I, I really felt for 16 months or maybe my entire life, and this is, this is my perspective, is that, I was being judged by people, whether I was sad enough or I wasn't too sad, or if I, went out too much or if I didn't go out. And I felt this constant pressure to please everyone else.

And when he entered my life he was not a pleaser. He didn't care what people thought of him. He would say whatever he wanted without consequence for him and, and thinking about it. And that to me was so freeing. I thought, oh me, you can just look out for just you. Oh, you can do what you want to do without consequence or not care what people think of you.

Where that seemed so freeing and he didn't wanna talk to me. He didn't want me to talk about my feelings, and I didn't wanna talk, so I was like, beautiful. He doesn't wanna know about me. But by the time I recognized that he, I, I kind of felt like he was doing it for my favor. Like, I don't wanna push her.

I thought he was giving me space and when I recognized that he really just didn't care. It wasn't that he was giving me space, it wasn't that he understood that I needed some time out. He really just didn't care. The things that I really liked about the relationship that I felt that I needed at the time.

It turned out to be very toxic because when I was ready to talk, I was told to shut up and and it was like the veil came off of all of these things that looked so freeing and so, wow. You can incite people, then I was on the other end of the stick, I was the one being incited, and he, really didn't care what people thought about him, but not in a good way, it was, there was no consequence for anything.

So I think the things that attracted me most were the really, the downfall of things in the end, because although they were things that I thought I needed, they, they were exactly the opposite of what I needed, but I was too far into it. 'cause we had moved away. I'd left my family, I'd left my friends, and there's also that, like I told you so factor or there were a lot of people in my life that would tell me like, this is not a good idea, but I, I insisted it was a great idea. I don't know what you're talking about. So by the time I had left to come, it almost felt like I would have to come home with my tail between my legs and admit that I had made a mistake or that it put my children through something, or that I made stupid decisions.

And that was, that was a very hard pill to swallow. So. That's kind of, I knew right out the gate, I guess in the back of my head, but I think sometimes you see things and you take them for what they're worth and you latch onto them. By the time you recognize how truly toxic they are, you're so far into it that you don't know how to get out without really just losing what you think.

I, I had so many, oh my gosh, I'm going to lose it all. In that thought of losing it all, although, whatever that definition of all is, keeps you stuck in what you're doing in your case, because you, you had all the kids too, was it was the all, not just. Was it kind of financial security? Was it, what, what kind of was the all it, I actually, it was, it was mostly me supporting everyone, but I think that Okay.

After losing Colin there was, I had so much attachment disorder, I, I had lost Tatum, our special needs daughter died in front of me so many times and I felt this need to save her. And then Colin, trying to save him. And I think when, by the time I got into my second relationship, I was held Ben to not losing anything, I was like, okay, I just can't lose one more thing.

Whether that's the person standing in front of me, whether that means, I'm gonna be single. You make all these constructs in your mind of what that means. If I lost everything, that means I would be on my own. When you get on the other side of it, you fast forward like four years and I recognized I was always in it alone.

I was always raising children of my own. I was doing it myself. But when you become in, tunnel visioned into trying to save something that's not good for you, you can't see the big picture until you get on the other side of it. Right? And it's like that in difference of. I'm not losing it. I'm giving it up, but at the end of the day, you still don't have what you had.

And so I understand how difficult that can be to see it in the moment. And I, I, I actually do wanna unpack a little bit more about your, your daughter with the special needs that you mentioned. Could you kind of tell us a little bit more about that journey? I, I, where our first son came very, very easily to Colin and I, I had a very hard time having another baby, and we had two miscarriages in between.

So when I got pregnant with Tatum. It was from the very start, they would say, oh, congratulations, you're six weeks pregnant. And then I would go in at 10 weeks and they'd say, you're six weeks. And by 12 weeks, there's, they're still measuring her at about 10, not even 10 weeks. And something started to click like, this is not okay.

Like something is not right here. But nobody could ever tell us what was going on. We had 40 ultrasounds and they would say, everyone that every specialist that we saw would just throw things out. We had to swallow study and they'd say, oh, she's gonna come out and not be able to breathe.

Or she has trisomy 18, three 18 chromosomes. But then I had the amniocentesis that said she didn't. So it literally was. 40 weeks, well, 37 weeks of just, she's we're, she's sick, but we don't know what's wrong with her. She's going to have special needs, but we don't know what those are. And so by the time they delivered, I think they did it more because I couldn't take it anymore.

Then whatever was going on with her, but they weren't prepared for her when she came out. Where they thought she was gonna be about five pounds, she came out three. So we weren't in like a specialty, nursery. We, we weren't in a trauma unit. And so they used the wrong size intubation tube to, the, the lifesaving techniques that they used actually ended up causing a whole bunch of damage to her throat.

And then there was a big coverup that proceeded for a year after that. So, it was just like one thing after another and it, it, the distrust grows because I would take her in and they would say, oh, and, and flippantly just say, oh, well if you just get her to stop throwing up, then she'll grow.

But I couldn't get her to grow, to stop throwing up 'cause her throat. So it was just this constant battle with medical professionals, like, what's going on here? I'd take her in for. Like a, a, a cold. And the next thing I know she's flat lining because she can't breathe or they gave her something that, so it was just literally one fire drill after another for a good three years before we even, because we didn't know what was wrong with her until people started coming up to me and saying is your daughter the one on that?

Discovery Channel show, and we're talking about 2000, and I was like, I don't even know what you're talking about. So she was diagnosed literally from a show that was on television and that really didn't negate everything that we had been through before that. So although we did find out what was her ultimate genetic predisposition, it really didn't excuse everything that had come before.

So that that distrust of the medical community, I found out for the first time that you know, doctors don't know everything. And that's a great thing to find out, but it's also a very scary thing to, figure out that they don't know. And instead of saying, I don't know, sometimes they tend to just give an opinion that that's not helpful.

So that was, it was a long five years of, before she had reconstructive airway and was moving on. So she's 24 now and she's about 24 pounds, but when she turned 13. Right after my husband passed away, it was about a year after we had moved, my second husband and I had moved far from where we lived.

And when we got there, Tatum came down with a rear form of connective tissue cancer. Which was completely unrelated to her genetic start. So it was almost like it all started all over again. She's just, she's one in a million and there's absolutely no reason she's here, but that's why there's every reason she's here because she's defied every odd and she's still wakes up wanting to be included in life.

And she's a self-taught artist. And, her mission here really is just to, be a guiding light for people. So I think she was a catalyst that got me to do what I'm doing with the charity and just being out there because she can wake up every day after everything she's been through and see the positive and find pleasure and things like frozen yogurt.

Then who am I to say, that my tragedies aren't there for a reason. I just wanna make sure I heard you correctly. Did you say she's 24 years old and 24 pounds? Yes, that's exactly what I said. She is 24 pounds. I like her bone structure is about a 10th of a regular. Someone who is 24, so I, she's not quite four.

How tall is she? Four. She's a little under four foot. Okay. Yeah, so she's per, perfectly proportioned. She just is very, very tiny. And that was really the, the crux of when she was born. We knew she had a placental tear, so we didn't know if, if it was a rough start or if she just wasn't going.

But when she was a year year old, she was still just like eight pounds. Wow. And she, yeah, her first walking shoes were the zero to three month ones. So she would run around the house and, to this day I forget, and our, we, we have a big family, she's got five siblings and we just treat her like she's.

Completely like everyone else. And there will be times and I'll see a picture of her and I'll be like, oh my gosh, she's so small. But you know, almost like when you, anything in your life, you, you fail to see that it's anything different when you see it every day. So she's very tiny, but she's a powerhouse.

So, her personality is much larger than her body. Yeah. Yeah, that's just that the, the weight is what was throwing me off. 'cause like even at four feet, 24 pounds is, is really light. So her bones are almost like hollow? No, they're just very, very small. Oh, okay. Yeah. Her frame is. I, I, I don't know the science behind it.

I just know that like, getting her to like 24, 25 pounds is, is a big deal. And, when she's wearing clothes she'll be 32 and we're like, Woohoo. Then we realize, oh wait, half of the weight is in your sweatshirt. But yeah, she, she gets along fine. I don't know exactly why, but I, she could eat all day long and probably not gain, more than.

We, her target weight is where she's at right now, which is crazy enough to think, to try and get her, because she would lose, right? She loses 10 pounds in a day. But getting her back up to where she needs to be has been a fight and. There were many times because she didn't have a diagnosis where I would bring her to a different hospital.

'cause we were constantly from one hospital to the next and, and there were worries on my side that they were gonna think that she is malnourished because we would walk in and here's a 2-year-old without a diagnosis and she's only, 12 pounds. So that was always a concern until we did have the diagnosis.

And even after that, I still walk into doctor's offices. We can do whatever we can do, but at a certain point it is, she has a set point weight, so, yeah. And then you have four other kids that you've had after her, correct? Five. So Tatum, I, I, there's an, she has an older brother and then there's four siblings underneath her.

It's been six total. Right. That's why I was saying there was four after her. Oh, yes. Sorry. Yes. Yeah. So you have six kids altogether, and then the, the, so you had four with your first husband, is that correct? Yes. Mm-hmm. And then two with my second husband. Okay. And the second husband was the battle relationship, correct?

Correct, yes. Okay. So are you married now, or are you a single mother of six? I'm a single mother of six. Yeah. Okay. Do you have hopes for a husband one day or have you kind of, accepted the, the single mother life and it's something that you have learned to enjoy being by yourself? Or do you hope to have that kind of relationship in the future?

I think that, I, I'm open to having a relationship. It's not that I haven't dated other people or, I have a lot of really good guy friends. I think for so long I was distracted by my second relationship that it really robbed me of time with my children and focus. So, as they're getting older, sure.

There's part of me that think that's when the second, the third stage of my life will begin if, if I am lucky enough to find somebody in my life. But, coming out of the really both relationships, I think that. It's very important to find somebody who adds to your life and to be well-established in who you are and what you want so that you know what you will accept and what you won't.

And I think it's really easy if, if you're just looking, if you're, if you're lonely or you're just worried about being on your own, which I was for many years, it's easy to make the wrong choice. But, i, I think that there certainly hopefully will be somebody out there that I can, spend.

My golden years with, if that's what you call once my children are at a place where I feel like they, can do their own thing. But I will say that there has been part of me that, just kind of ditched out of life and focused on my children. So there's gotta be, there's gotta be some happy medium in there.

I just haven't found it yet. But just finding the peace of knowing that I can focus on my children for a bit and, hopefully in the future, but if not, then I, I'll be okay. 'cause that's. I think as a human being, just knowing that someone should add something to your life, but you're okay without it is, is a very, framing, feeling.

I, I agree with that. And I think that's one of the things that our society doesn't push is I feel like, especially in, at least in my generation, and I'm sure especially with people who, who are middle age or older, it's like the why aren't you in a relationship? Like, there's such a big push in, in judgment around being single.

If you're a young person, you're like, why aren't you getting out there? And then if you're a middle-aged person, you're like, you're, you're, your clock's running out. So it's like on both. On whatever end you're on, you're kind of being bombarded with this idea that like it's wrong to be single, that you're missing out.

But I think, like you said, I think you said it best, another person should add to your life. They shouldn't be your life and your identity. You know it. It should be like you are your own person. And unfortunately for a lot of the work I've done on the show in terms of relationships and different stories, a lot of people shared that.

They didn't love themselves first, or their partner didn't love themselves first. And so they actually became a huge downfall of the relationship. And I think a lot of people rush into relationships for a lot of reasons. And one of them includes not being ready yet. Having the relationship feel all the love in their life rather than having.

That enjoyment, that happy medium in their life first. So I, I think that's really important and I appreciate you sharing that. And as you focus on your children, you're also focusing on, your, your organization here. And so could you tell us a little bit more about what your nonprofit does and, and tell us a little bit more about what that looks like?

So, I started the organization last year, and when I first started it, I, I. Obviously, I wanted to help everyone. I wanted to do, yeah. When I got into it, I quickly found that, most, most charities are focused and rightly so because it makes sense on one thing, I'm gonna focus.

But what I found with me is when we're talking about women led households, and I say that because everyone was saying, well, you mean single moms? I said, no, because you can be married as I was with Colin, but you know, a caregiver. So we're really just talking about a situation where a woman finds herself financially, physically on her own and having to care for others.

And, that's a really scary position to be in. So instead of us coming to. To the charity and saying, okay, this is what we are going to do across the board. We're going to give people mortgages. We're going to, what I found was there are a lot of organizations out there, but they're small and you don't even know that they're there.

And when you hit Crisis one, you don't even know what you need when you get there. And two, you don't have time to research to find these little resources. So my daughter went, is at college right now. And when she was going through the scholarship process, she, instead of going for the big, everybody wants the full ride.

And that is kind of where everyone focuses. And what she did instead was she found $2,000 through this organization, $2,000, and by the time she was done, she had a full ride. And it took a lot of time to do all these little things, but that is what our charities. Is trying to emulate is there are all of these little programs that you probably are eligible for, but you won't know it because you don't have time to research it.

And then you have to figure out how to apply for it. And so we're trying to combine compile all of all of the charities that are out there right now and kind of break them down and then. When, if, if none of those charities could be of service to you, then we are try to step in and be the gap filler in all of that.

We don't wanna take anyone else's resources. If somebody else will do a, b and C for you, then we want them to do that for you. There's no reason to reinvent the dime. The people that are running those organizations wanna find people, people who need it wanna find those organizations.

So we're compiling all that data. And in doing that outside of, we're looking at things like, lawyer legal fees which not many organizations unless you don't have any money. So we're just really taking a very big look at the landscape of what that looks like for a woman. Again, we're not saying that men don't get into these situations.

We, I don't, I don't envy men that get in, in, I'm not saying that it's, because they think sometimes there's a backlash that we're focusing just on women, but. The reason why we're doing that is because I've been the special needs mom. I, I've been in all these different positions and, and this is my experience and where I feel I can be of, of most help.

So, that's kind of what our structure is. Again, we're still in our infancy. We're always looking for people, businesses who would partner with us to find more lucrative careers for women who have been stay at home moms primarily, and then, are forced into the workforce. Trying to find remote jobs, things that they can stay home and really just solve each case individually instead of blanket trying to help everyone.

Right. No, I, I definitely agree with that. And I think that to your point, right, I think that if people have an upset with you that they should make an organization specifically for, man lit households that are in that kind of situation, I think. What you're doing is very important in that it allows you to better serve a group of people and I, I think that's the beauty of us having so many different resources and nonprofit organizations, is that you can really find what best suits your needs instead of getting this blanket treatment.

I think individualized care is so important. In the medical field, in the business field, and in the nonprofit field. And then on top of your nonprofit, you're also an author. So I want to go over your book notes from a Blackberry, and can you just tell us a little bit about that and who should read it?

When Colin was first diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, he basically, they told him, you have two weeks to live. Go home, take care of your children, say goodbye. And his mother at the time had ovarian cancer and she had been granted, many years. She was actually at one point the oldest surviving pan or ovarian cancer patient in the United States.

So, although we had the same hopes for him he only lived 16 months. So. I would go down to chemo with him and I thought it was gonna be a time for us to reconnect and, just really have that time together. But he was so incredibly sick that I had a Blackberry and I, I started like, I was still processing, the four or five years with Tatum of taking her in and, having to resuscitate her.

And so I started writing her story and I would write her story and then I would email it back to myself, and then it just flowed into his story as well. And I pieced it all together, left it on my laptop, never looked at it until I went through the second situation. I had the strength to go back and reread it.

And after reading it, I'd always said to Colin that something good was gonna come out of, everything that he went through. So there was there was a part of me that felt to honor his struggle and Tatum struggle, that I wanted the world to like know of everything that they both went through because it's unimaginable.

But one of the other reasons that I did it is because I think when we hit. Circumstances that are unimaginable. We all do unimaginable things. We say things in our inside voice re you're trying to take care of someone and you resent them for putting you in that position and then you feel guilty for resenting them.

And there was this overwhelming theme when I had other people read my book and when I read it of, gosh, you were so lonely. You just did all this stuff on your own and. I just feel like it was, if somebody reads the book, then if they can give me the grace to say, you, you know that I did my best and I was too hard on myself, that hopefully they will give themselves the same break.

Because as a caregiver, if you do not. Stop and recognize how hard it was to go through what you went through, then you're gonna carry a lot of guilt and shame with you that you don't need and you don't deserve. But it's just the natural course of survivor's guilt that is so complex. And again, if you read my book and you say, oh my gosh, this woman was so strong.

I didn't feel strong. That was the very last thing I felt. I felt like I was letting everyone down. I felt like I was always, if I was with the kids, I should be with Colin. If I was Colin, I was with the kids. And hopefully if someone reads this book, then they'll understand that it, it's just unimaginable and you think what you think and not to blame yourself and give yourself a little bit of, of grace in, in knowing that you're doing your best.

For sure. As we wrap up here, one thing I wanna ask is how can people best help your nonprofit? What can they do if they reach out to you? That would best help? Well, so if you reach out to me, there's a tab to donate. There's a tab to get involved. Either way, I'm always looking for people who are, can provide feedback to help me, start categorizing all these, tell me their story because when I hear someone's experience in their story, I can better help the next person that goes through.

If you reach out to me as well, if you're looking for help, I might not be able to monetarily provide it to you, but. Said, I can either give you a roadmap or find resources that you're looking for. In general just the awareness of going there, recognizing there is a problem. There's a lot of statistics on there that, I don't think a lot of people know until they hit these crises.

So just reading up on it you don't have to help my charity, but just knowing that these problems exist. Hopefully make people, more sensitive to the person. 'cause when people would, when I was young and I would have a friend going through divorce, I'd be like, oh, that's terrible. But I didn't really understand.

Until you go through it yourself, you really don't understand all the things that it takes and how much pressure it puts on you. And as a society, if we all understood that things look much easier from the outside is when you're standing in them than I think you just. Giving people other perspectives probably hopefully opens up the discussion about what we can do to help women, what we can do to support kids, how we can help men, whatever that means.

If we don't talk about it, then there's no way to decode all of these things that we're all dealing with, but we're keeping to ourselves. So if you reach out to me you can get involved on, on my website is my podcast in my books. And then there's a tab for my daughter's art. The special needs daughter is an artist, so she sells her art and the proceeds go to fund the CJB.

Outreach and there's also a tab for the, the charity there as well. So you can read up on us, reach out if you feel you want to, or if you need help, please reach out. I'm here. We'll do whatever we can to help in it. Whatever way we can. We're gonna have your website and description below for people to check out all of that.

So your book is on there. Hope for Tate, the CJB outreach as well as your contact. And what would be your, your one last message to everyone. I know you've delivered a couple different life lessons that you've learned through your experiences as a mother, as a wife, and as a trauma survivor.

But what would be your one message you really want everyone to take away? I think to trust your gut. I, I think that we all have that. Our, our bodies, our brains tell us something. And sometimes it's a lot easier to resist it than to listen to it. But I think, there's, there's a reason why you get alarms.

There's a reason why things don't make sense and it, it, instead of, pushing it away and continuing to just do the status quo, just, it, it, which seems so much easier in the long run. It's so much easier to confront something, listen to that alarm, address it take, act on it. And. Then you won't just sit and keep, it just keeps spiraling.

If you, if you carry around a backpack of emotional pain, it's still a backpack. So if you just deal with it, it's much easier, although it seems like it's not. Yeah, no, I, I agree. I think it's important that we listen to ourselves and that we, we, lean into that intuition and gut feeling. I think sometimes we.

We cloud out our own judgment and thoughts because we're so focused on society, on social media, on what our community will think instead of, and, and trying to meet, their check boxes and their expectations rather than what we want and need. So, I, I a hundred percent. Yeah. And Yeah. Oh, go ahead.

Were you gonna say something? No. Okay. No, I was just agreeing with you. Yeah, I just think stop worrying about what other people think. You're the only person that has to live your life, so in the end, it's not worth if, if you think you're protecting yourself by protecting, other people from the real you, you're just really floating through life, not being your genuine self.

Yeah, I would say trust yourself and love yourself first, and then, take in everything else afterward. And one of the things you mentioned too, that I always put forward on the show is you're your number one health advocate. Like you said. Not every doctor does everything. I think getting a second opinion or a third opinion is always important.

And always remember that your health is your number one concern, not theirs. Even though they get paid to take care of your health no one cares about it more than you do. So always push for that and, and take care. And again, I don't, I never advise going against medical advice, but definitely get multiple opinions and, and do your own research as well.

So yeah, I definitely appreciate you sharing. Yeah, that's another place to trust your gut. Like they were telling me things about Tatum and I knew that that's not right, but, sometimes it's easier to just go along with it. But in the end it's not, it's not easier. And I think doctors do have, I, I should hope that none of them do it intentionally, but they do make mistakes so.

Yeah, it's, it's important, especially when it comes to our children. You know it, as parents, we are their number one protector and provider and their number one doctor. So pleased to yeah. Be, be taking care of them. And Ms. Barth, I, I appreciate what you're doing, making a nonprofit from, tragedy and, and trying to help those in a similar situation.

So again, ladies and gentlemen, if you feel called to. Help, support or you have resources, contact information, anything that could be helpful, not just monetarily, but even information wise or future collaborations. Definitely reach out to Ms. Barth. We have her website below and I just wanna thank you for your time today.

Thank you. I appreciate the discussion. I hope you feel better. Thank you.