Danielle Bernock: Love That Heals, Finding Faith & Overcoming Trauma

Today, I sit down with Danielle Bernock, known online as that lady on the internet who loves you. Ms. Bernock is an author, speaker, and coach whose mission is to show people that they matter and that they are loved. She shares her powerful journey of surviving childhood trauma, battling emotional neglect, and learning to embrace unconditional love—a process that ultimately led her to become a voice of healing for others.

We explore Ms. Bernock’s writing journey, starting with her book Emerging With Wings, which told her story of pain and the love that heals. She opens up about her healing process, the role of faith and science working together, and why it took her 35 years to believe that God truly loved her. From there, she continued writing with purpose, creating books like A Bird Named Payne, Because You Matter, and even a children’s activity book called Taco ‘Bout Your Value, which she co-created with her grandson to help kids build self-worth and resilience.

In our conversation, we also dive into Ms. Bernock’s coaching work, her speaking engagements, and her proven SELF Framework—See, Expose, Love, Free—which she uses to guide others through their own healing process. She emphasizes the importance of understanding trauma, overcoming stigmas, and creating a safe place for recovery. 

https://www.daniellebernock.com/

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*Couple O' Nukes LLC and Mr. Whiskey are not licensed medical entities, nor do they take responsibility for any advice or information put forth by guests. Take all advice at your own risk.

Transcript

 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode. A Couples. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey, and out of a scale of 10, the pollen is an 8.5, so maybe you can hear it. I'm feeling it. You know, it's a one day into fall and suddenly there's just allergies everywhere. So yeah, but what I wanna say is that as someone who creates content, especially anytime I put out faith-based content, I get a lot of.

Hey, I'm that guy on the internet who hates you. I know you never met me. A lot of guys on the internet who hate me for no reason, but today I am here with hashtag that lady on the internet who loves you. His Danielle Ock is, is known as that lady on the internet who loves you. And I, I personally love that.

I think, you know, one of the things I put forward is that a lot of us in this field, we, we care a lot about people. That's why we're in this. We're in this to serve others, to help others to. Prevent them from going through what we've gone through. If they've gone through what we've gone through to help their healing process to be smoother than what we went through.

And to just educate and empower new generations and people, uh, of all ages and diversities to. Just be able to live the best life they can. At least that's how I feel, you know, humanity is, is is my quote. You know who I'm serving, right? So I'm here with hashtag that lady on the internet who loves you, Ms.

Danielle Burn. Great to have you here. And could you please tell us a little bit about yourself? Oh, thanks for having me on here and, and highlighting my hashtag, yes, I took ownership of that hashtag uh, during the pandemic is when it unfolded because of all the fear that was active in the world, and love is what drives that out.

So I'm like, I'm pushing love and love is the center of all that I do anyways, so why not capitalize on that? Every person's greatest need is love. So it's all about the love it's love that has healed my heart. So on my website, I say, I am connecting you to the love that heals because there's toxic.

Kind of love out there as well. Oh yeah. It happens when people go through trauma and there are, there's unhealthy self-love and there's healthy self-love. These are things I deal with, but it was unconditional love that delivered me and healed me, and God gave me the gift of my husband, and he was one of the key factors in my healing process.

Chapter three, in my book, emerging With Wings as dedicated to That man. His name is Michael. Before that I was not familiar with unconditional love. I was very familiar with conditional love and didn't know anything else was available. I am a childhood trauma survivor. A great big pile of it. Very diverse, many different kinds, complex trauma.

I didn't know that. I just knew I was messed up when I was an adult, and it was through my counseling and just striving to heal and not feel so miserable that I learned about trauma and shared my story with the world and wanted to help people heal. Quicker if possible than I had. But the world is full of so many tools now that were not available 40 years ago.

Yeah, I've been married for 45 years, so I, 45 years ago. Uh. Things were not available. Science and faith didn't even talk to each other back then. I've heard you, Mr. Whiskey say how you like those two together. So do I. That's what I do is to blend those because I believe everyone needs faith. Everybody believes something.

We don't all believe the same things, but everybody believes something. So faith is a part of your life even if you don't want to admit it. And science is a part of your life even if you don't like it. And those are two things that we need. We need the love to heal our heart. We need the process in our brains and our minds to reprogram and to process what we've been through.

So that's a little bit about me. I came to do what I do now because of that first book, releasing It, and it resonating with people. My epiphany writing that book became a viral quote out in the world, which astounded me. I'm like, oh wow. Maybe, uh, maybe I'm onto something here. For sure. So let's start with, you talked about, you know, having a traumatic childhood and that manifesting in your adulthood.

Can you tell us kind of about what that traumatic childhood looked like? That was multiple things. I had. Uh, trauma at church, trauma at school, trauma in the neighborhood, and trauma at home. Uh, public shaming, public rejecting multiple deaths, bullying. Only kind I didn't have was, uh, sexual abuse, which is one of the reasons I had such a hard time.

Validating that I actually had trauma because I didn't know what trauma was, which, mm-hmm. Most people in the world don't know what trauma is. They think it's what happened to you and it's not what happened to you. 'cause two people can go through the exact same thing and come through completely differently.

Right? So trauma is the wound that's left behind after you've been through something. I like to illustrate it for people who really misunderstand this. To draw the picture, two little girls are skipping down the street together and they both fall down. One of them gets up, she's fine. The other one's sitting on the ground crying and her friend is going, what's wrong?

Why are you crying? And well, the one who fell down is crying. She scraped her knee, but the one who got up and is fine, she did not. Both of them were skipping. Both of them fell. One of 'em got a wound. That wound is not that little girl's fault either, and trauma is not the fault of someone who has experienced it.

That's a very, you know, crude illustration, but it's something we can really see. We can get the visual of that, that it wasn't what happened to her, it's the wound that was left behind because of, she went through that. And so I, I had also something called childhood emotional neglect. Which I'm so thankful for my counselor who identified it, even though she didn't know what it was.

'cause I contact her years later after I learned that term to ask her, have you ever heard of this term? And she had not. Excuse me. So I share that for two reasons, is you don't need to know what it's called to heal from it. Yeah, for sure. And counter emotional neglect is a huge problem in our world.

Primarily because people don't know it exists and because it's something that's missing. If you lose a thing and you go looking for it, you know what you're looking for. You're looking for a thing. But if you lost something and you don't know what you lost and you don't even know that you lost it, then you, you don't go looking and you don't find it.

See, childhood emotional neglect is you didn't get something that you needed, and so something is, it's invisible. Every child has a certain amount of emotional nurture that they need, and every child is different, and no parent is perfect. So it's not about being a perfect parent. You can do everything with all your heart and do your best, and you can still emotionally neglect your kids if you don't have the tools to give them what they need, which was what happened.

In my case. Both my parents, they did not hurt me on purpose. They just. They were missing the tools and so they couldn't give them to me. So I grew up without certain emotional tools. I didn't know what my emotions were. I stuffed them all down. I had all the signs of childhood emotional neglect. There's a lady, Dr.

Janice Webb, who has a book running on empty. I tell everybody about it. It's how I discovered that's what I had, and I discovered that I had had it in three different ways. She unpacks it with 12 different illustrations. It's a fantastic book. Do you want more information? Get that book because it's a whole book.

I'm not gonna talk about it the whole time today for sure. I'm probably gonna go get that and read that myself. Actually, that sounds like something. Uh, I'd like to, you know, explore further. 'cause I think it's something that we've touched upon with a lot of people on this show. You know, I like, I really appreciate you not completely villainizing all parents, you know, saying that sometimes they just don't have the tools and I think it can be hard to understand what your kid needs, especially if they're not expressing it.

But part of that is creating an environment where your kid can express to you and can come to you. And some parents unfortunately, create an environment where their kids. Don't trust them or don't want to talk to them. Mm-hmm. Or because their parents are so reactionary or judgmental, they close off. So.

Right. I think there, there is a balance to be had. Now you talked about your book, uh, and I know you have multiple books and, uh, you do a lot nowadays and like we said, it's to help people heal faster. You mentioned, you know, your healing process. How long did that take you ultimately to kind of come to.

Realize everything to come to. You know that, that full fruition of healing, like how long did that take you?

It happened in stages, so I'm not quite sure. Hmm. I've been married for 45 years. I published my book. 11 years ago, and while I was writing my book and I was in counseling while I was writing my book, my counselor re revealed me exposed things in my life I didn't know at that time. At that time I thought I was healed, but I was not because she unpacked things that I was unaware of.

So. Yeah, it's difficult to say how long, and one of the things I wrestled with so much with my counselor is I would beat myself up because I was not healing fast enough for myself. And she said, maybe it needs to take this long and, and some things do take longer. I mean, if you go in the hospital, the hospital for surgery, it takes longer to heal than if you get a paper cut.

You know, it is just whatever kind of wound you have and how it manifests. It does. Some things do take longer. It's just a matter of that, but part of the healing process is to learn that grace for yourself that it's okay. One thing I do know how long it took me was it took me 35 years to believe the love of God.

And I write about that. I have a book I give away it free at my website called Love's Manifesto because I struggled to believe the love of God. As I said, I had trauma at church. I had three different kinds of trauma that happened at church and it's the bullseye trauma in my life. There's a whole chapter on it in my book as well, and it.

It wounded me so deeply, and I believe the lie that was planted in my heart that day that God himself had thrown me away. And so if God himself had thrown me away, and then I come back later after I'm done trying to prove he doesn't exist, and I'm done being mad at him, and finally, you know, he, he pursues me and convinces me to come back.

So I do, even though I'm terrified of him because of what I know and believe about him, that were lies. Then I'm hearing, oh, Jesus loves you. Which I had heard that as a kid, but you know, as a kid you don't internalize it unless you really experience that. And I experienced the opposite, right. And I struggled to believe that it was.

That it was unconditional because I knew conditional love as I had said a little bit earlier, and that fit with the trauma that was in the church as well, and the authoritarianism and imposed stoicism that I had endured growing up as well. And you have to perform and you're never good enough. And if you, you know, we, I love you with, and if you sin you're bad.

And then the. Bad theology and you know, you need to repent and you need to ask forgiveness every three seconds or you're going to hell, and I was so terrified. I would journal about how I was afraid of falling into outer darkness, and I lived in that fear. It was a very pervasive fear, and so it took me 35 years to believe that God loved me in my ugliest moments, no matter what I'm doing, and he will never throw me away.

And I remembered the moment and I remembered the day and I wrote it down the note. That's how I know exactly how long from the time I came back to him to that day. It was 35 years. And that was through a lot of work. I was reaching for it and trying to reprogram myself and trying to learn about, you know, the good things of God.

But I had bad theology in there that prolonged that longer than it needed to take what was kind of the idea behind, I'm going to write a book now. Was it, Hey, I think writing a book will heal me, or was it, I think my story should get out there? What kind of inspired writing that first book, I wanted to help people.

I wanted to help people. I thought about it earlier, but I had no confidence in being able to do that. I haven't even asked someone if they would write it, if I gave them information, but then it just kind of fell off the plate and, you know, life happened. But then after I'd gone through a very transitional, um, and transformational part of my life, my husband and I had moved.

We lived in Michigan and we had moved to Arizona and we lived there for five years, and then we came back to Michigan. And those five years, I, I became a different person. Through healing and taking ownership of who I was. I grew and healed profoundly during those five years. So when I came back, I felt like I couldn't keep that to myself.

I had tasted a kind of freedom and something that. I wanted to share and I didn't know how to do that. And through my story of how I got there, and it happened one morning, I was doing my morning time with God, I was reading a devotional and the title of the devotional was Dare to Decide. And I just felt compelled inside to today's the day I'm gonna decide today I am gonna write a book.

Okay, great. What does that mean? And how do I do that? So I went to Google and started. Researching and looking, how do you do that? And that was the beginning of the process. Okay. And how long did it take you to write that first book? A little over a year and a half from writing to publishing. I, I have a article on my website.

Uh, you should write a book even if you're not the best writer. And I have exactly how many days and months and everything it took me on that article. I don't remember the exactness right now. That first book was the Emerging With Wings? Yes. Okay. And then you have multiple books on your website, as you mentioned.

Was it kind of just like I, as I call it when I talk about running, like the bug bit you, where you wrote one and now you're like, I think I'm gonna write another one. Then you, you know, you're like, eh, why not another one, you know, was it kind of that, or was there kind of a big pause and then you were kind of hesitant about it?

From being on another podcast, I discovered as we were talking about it during the podcast, I discovered that every one of my books has a mission. And so my first one had a mission to share my story and to share how love will heal you. 'cause a subtitle is a true story of lies, pain, and the love that heals.

And then my next book that I wrote was called A Bird Name Pain. And that was a short allegory of dealing with the complex emotions when you have a loved one with Alzheimer's. Mm-hmm. I couldn't find any help dealing with my emotions and my mental health when my mother-in-law was going through Alzheimer's.

You hear about all these god awful diseases out there, but you really don't know how awful they are till you're walking through it yourself personally. Yeah. And I couldn't find the help I needed back then, so. I was just praying and God gave me that as a gift. I came home one day from visiting my mother-in-law and I had just been reeling to and fro in my emotions.

I was just beside myself with, you know, I should be happy about this and I'm upset about this. And my husband was working out of town at the time, and it's like I was just all over the place emotionally. Because of what was going on. And you know she's not there, but she's there because Alzheimer's is a cruel thing.

It's the long goodbye that you lose the person while they're still in front of you. And it's like, how do you deal with that? And I came home one day from visiting her and God just downloaded that story to me. First of all, I was struggling with, I don't know what to call all these emotions, because there were so many of them.

And what God gifted me with, almost like in math, and you do math, you reduce something to the lowest common denominator if you're working with fractions. And that's what he did with all those emotions. He took all of them and he boiled them down into one. Word and it was the word pain. All of those emotions I was dealing with were calling me pain, but the allegory is a bird name pain, and it was how those emotions, they would go and they would fly around and then they would land on me and they would land on someone else and, and so it's like an allegory about that, but it's PAYN because you know, it talks about bird.

But that was a mission to help myself and then to put it out there to help someone else. And then Loves Manifesto came about as I reached for a writing mentor after I published my first book and discovered I needed to get it out there 'cause it was helping people more than I thought. And I'm like, I need to have a blog and I don't know how to do that.

I found a writing mentor. And he said I needed to have a manifesto of what I, what, what am I doing, what is what I'm doing all about. And so I sat down with the mission of that, of how to explain, what do I do, and the chapters in that. It's a short audio book. It's less than 10 minutes long. It's free at my website, but it's what is love, why we don't believe it, and what it takes to convince us.

And then I was, you know, just doing my thing, you know, writing, I do freelance writing, things like that. And then I wanted to write another book about the emotions because I'd learned so much about emotions. And I started, and it just was not, it wasn't coming together. It wasn't gelling. I didn't like it.

It was, it was very fragmented. So I shelved it and I wasn't gonna do it. Then one day when I left church, I got just given the title of, because You Matter. I, I wrote a little sticky note. I still have this sticky note to this day. Wow. Of, because you matter how to take ownership of your life so you can really live, and it's a self-help book of how to reclaim your courage, reclaim your sense of choice, reclaim, uh, your purpose, reclaim, um, all the different areas of your life.

And explaining the difference between responsibility and ownership and why ownership. That word is so important. But then I interviewed 10 people and share their stories. One in between every one of the chapters. 'cause maybe someone can't relate to my story, but they can relate to Naomi's story or they can relate to John's story, or they can relate to Sylvia's story because they were through completely different things in how they took ownership of their life.

So that became a different kind of mission that. The title was given to me and it's about focusing on your value. People need to know how much they matter, and that was came out right before the pandemic. And then my newest one is Taco, about your value I fund to feed your self-esteem. I created that alongside with my grandson, who was 12 at the time.

Because he's an artist and he was, he was showing me his artwork. He had grown all these different tacos. They were singing and dancing and being mechanics and teachers and nurses and doctors, and from all different countries, and it was just so cool and they're all happy. But then on one page was one burrito, and that burrito was upset.

And I'm like, Gideon, what's wrong with the burrito? He said he's upset because he's down to taco. And I was cut to my heart because a second leading cause of death in children age. 10 to 14 is suicide. Yeah. And I said to Gideon, we have to do something with this. You have hit something here. So I was praying about how to do that.

I'd never written a children's book. He had never written anything. Does he wanna do this? So praying about what are we gonna do with this? And it ended up becoming an activity book. So he created the characters in the book. I created the puzzles that are in the book. We wrote the stories together and so there's over a hundred different activities and it's designed for kids to do with someone and to talk about what is in the book to bring up.

Their inherent value. I bring up that word inherent. It's not a word we hear all the time, especially kids probably don't hear that. But to hear that word and to know that they have value right there as is without earning, it doesn't matter what they look like. Doesn't matter what their favorite topic at school is.

Because if a child can be strong on the inside, they are less subject to bullying. And I learned that through my friend Tom. His story is in my book, because you matter. He was bullied and a kid lit his pants on fire. I mean, that's pretty serious stuff. Yeah. Kids are cruel. He, he, it did not. Affect him negatively because he knew who he was and he was loved and he knew that.

And so he had that strength on the inside. So my mission with that book was to help kids be so strong on the inside that when bullying happens, 'cause we can't stop it. We are trying to, but we can't control other people. Yeah. But if we can make ourselves stronger, it can make us less subject to that. For sure.

I think that's important, you know, and kids are so cruel, you know, and, and bullying has just gotten worse and worse with the internet, of course. And the ability to. Be anonymous to be, you know, faceless, nameless to be everywhere at once. It's, uh, just terrible. I love what you've, we've done with your grandson.

You know, one of my goals has always been as well, uh, a suicide prevention book for children because I've, you know, guested on shows speaking, uh. As a guest expert on suicide in children. And it's very sad to know that children as young as 10 years old are, are taking their life. Yeah. And so I've wanted, uh, you know, the hardest thing, like you said, how do we get big dark lessons like that into a children's book?

You know, it's hard enough already getting regular day to day lessons, but to address suicide in a way that is, you know, it's on one hand I think it's getting easier 'cause I feel like a lot of. Like are the, the age of innocence and the age of like adulthood has shifted. I feel like a lot of children are exposed to so much adult stuff that they're growing up a lot faster.

Uh, in some ways that's good. And in a lot of ways it's bad. You know, the average age of exposure to pornographic and sexual content is eight to nine years old. I mean, that's really sad. I mean, that sickens me. And then on the other hand, you know. Our kids are, I think, smarter at, at a younger age than when we were at that age.

But again, with knowledge comes all that bad knowledge and, and the opportunity for evil. So it's really such a, a hard balance and you know, trying to figure out how to address that with children can be so difficult. So I appreciate what you've done with your grandson and I think that's so cute that you had that.

Family bonding experience too, between you and him and you know, uh, I'm sure it's really boosted his self-esteem to be like, I helped make that book. You know, like, that's such an amazing thing. Yeah. He's a Polish author, but 12, now he's 14, so, yeah. That's, that's awesome. Now, you've talked about all your work and help through writing and being an author, but I know you're also a coach.

At what point did you say, Hey, forget just the writing that, that, that reaches one medium of people. I want to go reach more people and be a coach. Uh, it unfolded in my journey because I started with writing and then the first book, and then I went into a blog, and then I went into freelance writing, and after that it was like, I, I need help in an area of business.

So I got a business coach and it was through that, that I learned more about coaching and speaking. And so it was through little by little growing. So one thing kept adding to another. How many ways can I reach my company is called four F Media. Because I want to use every form of media to get the message out there that people matter and that they are loved.

Those are my primary messages. You matter and you are loved. You matter, and you are loved. So if I can get that on any medium out there, I have a YouTube channel. I had a podcast for three years. I did book signings and grocery stores for three years. 'cause there's a organization that does that. It's available in like nine different states.

If anyone's interested, they can contact me. But finding different things, looking for what's available now and as the world changes, like you said, kids are smarter now. We were talking about the suicide prevention and I remember being on one of the podcasts this past year talking with a gentleman who works in this space.

And he was, he brought something really interesting to the forefront. I'd never heard it that way. 'cause they say suicide prevention. And he said, I really hate that term. And then he unpacked that because it's focusing on the, the suicide instead of the prevention part kind of thing. He said, I think it should be life preservation.

You don't, you don't throw someone a, a life preserver. When they're drowning and call it a anti drowning device. Hear what he saying. You don call it anti drowning. And he unpacked other illustrations like that. I went, wow, that is really insightful. I had never seen it like that. And when someone is calling for help, you call the crisis line, he said, hello, crisis line, you know, what's your crisis?

It's like they already know they have a crisis and using that term it just kinda is pushing them more. So he was focusing on flipping the script a little bit to life preservation and the. You know, support line instead of that, instead to speak to the health aspect of it instead of the negative aspect.

I thought what that was real insightful. Yeah, same with what if we changed, you know, alcoholics Anonymous to uh, you know, sober pursuers or something like that. You know, like, 'cause uh, some of the, uh, people I've had on my show, they said, the problem is a lot of addicts get so focused on what they can't do and on the addiction and on the alcohol itself rather than.

Everything in, in life around them, and I shared this as well. Uh, a preacher had said, you know, what did Satan do to get Adam and Eve to fall? It was to get them focused away from abundance, everything that they did have, and get them focused on what they didn't have. Uh, you know, so that can be such a terrible trap, you know, to focus so much on the bad or what you don't have, rather than all that you do have.

So. You know, you do. That's not true. It's like when you tell someone a kid they can't do something, what do they wanna do? That thing you told them to them. Exactly. It's, it just like pokes us. Same thing with PTSD. There's a, a podcast out there I listened to a few years ago and they were talking about, they were trying to change it from PTSD to PTSI from post traumatic stress disorder to post traumatic stress injury.

It's an injury. It's not a disorder. It's not, it's, it changes. Yeah. I like that too. Stigma to it. And if we can, we have to get rid of the stigmas because that's what keeps us stuck. Yeah. I agree. I agree a hundred percent. And you know how you word things and say things can completely change. You know how people are perceiving it.

So I, I definitely agree. And now you, of course you do speaking and workshops as well. I feel like again, that kind of just unfolded with the, your, your coaching, your writing, how can I reach more people? Correct. Right, right. The workshops I was able to. Go into organizations and businesses, and I just did one at a library last week.

The library sponsored it, so I was able to get paid for my time and effort, but everyone was able to come at no cost to them, which I love that. That's beautiful because it serves everybody. Yeah, for sure. And then you also mentioned you had a podcast, but you said the word had. Are you no longer actively doing the podcast?

That's, that is correct. I brought it to a close, uh, finale at the end of 2024. Okay. And is that, uh, like forever? It's, it's done forever or are you gonna get back into podcasting, you think? Or just podcast guesting. Uh, I never, uh, never say never line. Uh, I'm not gonna say that I'm brought to a close 'cause I felt God told me to do that, but it's out there and if he wants to resurrect it, I will let him.

But right now it's still out there. I still have all the episodes on my YouTube channel, and the podcast is still available on Apple. So it was called Victorious Souls. Hmm. Yeah, I saw that. And, um. You've kind of given us a 30,000 overview of, you know, all your stuff. I want to have a big takeaway here, and on your website you have, it's called Danielle's Proven Process, see Expose, love Free, which fails self, the self framework.

Could you kind of go over that and why that is such a featured item on your, uh, website? I feature it. Because everyone needs a process when we are just trying to do something. When I was trying to heal, I had no process. I didn't have anyone help me with the process. I met someone who had gone through trauma, but they were focusing on this and, but so I would piecemeal from all the places that I could to heal.

So piecemealing like that and just kicking and screaming and grabbing is not efficient by having a process. You know what you're doing and you feel like you have a place where you're at. Like if you're playing a game, you start at the start space and then you move around. You don't just like pick it up and randomly put it around the board.

There's a process to the game. So there's a process to healing as well. And that process came out of me seeking God of how did you heal me? 'cause what was the process? How do I. Share this with people, and he's the one who showed me the process. It was, and I call it Self for two very. Specific reasons I call itself because it focuses on the person.

Because only they can change their life. I can't change their life. Only they can do it. So, and our self resides, our choice resides in ourself. No one can make a choice for us when we feel like someone's making a choice. For us, it's called manipulation or coercion. No one can make a choice for us. God honors choice.

It was right there from the beginning in the middle of the garden. God didn't hide the tree on a mountain. He didn't wait till a week later. It was front and center. Choice is so important and only yourself can make the choice. And the second reason is self is a part of me that was attacked a great deal.

I was called selfish growing up. The lot of the. Theology that I was subjected to was about killing the self and eradicating the self. Mm. And dying to the self. And you just need to not, you put yourself down and you put yourself on the back and put everyone else in front of you. And so I was, you're supposed to evaporate the self because it's not me.

It's only God that lives. It's only Jesus and I don't matter. And it's, it's just no. We're gonna focus on the self Jesus came so we could be one with him. That's not to eradicate us, that's to connect with us. So the self, that's why it's called self. And the SSC, it's about awareness. Because if we don't see something, we can't do anything about it.

Like the childhood emotional neglect. If we don't know something is missing, we're not gonna do anything about it. My counselor unpacked it or revealed it with the words. Something went terribly wrong. Yeah, and I, and then she began to tell me how things were supposed to have been and my mouth just dropped open.

I'm like, wow, I didn't know that was a thing. So that was the awareness part there. But then he is exposing, that's getting to the bottom of the issue. That's getting to the cause of the issue. That's getting to the, why do we see this thing here, or why does this thing we see matter? So we have to go deeper.

Then I had to look into how do I heal this childhood emotional neglect? How do, what do I do about it? So I would act on whatever my counselor was giving me to do. But al in the process, I think is a crucial part of the process because sometimes we see stuff that we don't like and it makes us feel yucky.

Or we see it and we're like, oh, cool. But then we found out why, and we're like, then that makes us feel yucky. And then we wanna jump in bed and pull the covers over our head. It's just why we need love. We need love. Everyone needs love. It's our greatest need. We all need a different amount of love. And someone who goes through a trauma exposure, like that little girl falling down, love can mitigate that.

That's one of the reasons why two people can go through two different things and one be okay and one not be. It could be this person was surrounded by support and love and encouragement, and so they were able to process things right away. Yeah, and it didn't leave a mark. Whereas this one, they were abandoned.

They had no help, which is what happened to my family growing up. We had no support when my grandmother died and my dad died and my brother died, we had no support system. We were just there. Me, my mom, and my brother. That's how big our family was, the three of us, and no support there. No love. That's a problem.

So love is a crucial part of the pro, uh, process to give you courage, to give you confidence, to give you strength, to give you hope, to give you everything you need to move forward into the. F the fourth of the process of free, which is where action steps, where you do things to bring about the change you're looking for, to bring about the transformation you're looking for, to bring about the the difference.

And this process is done over and over again because we don't get to where we are in one moment. So the process is a cycle that you go through over and over again, and then you go again. You see, well, I just did this thing, I took this action. So, see, what did this do for me? It didn't work well. Well, why didn't it work?

You know? And then encouraging yourself and through the process over and over again. And it's a process that anyone, they can grab a hold of it, even reading it on my website, but. We need people. So that's why I do coaching because we heal in together. We heal in the, yeah, confines of relationship, but sometimes people, they're not ready for that.

So that's why I offer so many free things on my website is so people can start. You can start, start, if you're suffering, if you are wondering if you're needing healing, start grab free stuff and start and then move forward with who you feel you can trust because you need to heal in a safe place. Find someone safe for sure.

And you know, just speaking of those free resources, I know from having a looked at your website. You've got, uh, more resources and it's a slew of books that, um, you recommend. So I definitely, uh, would encourage people to check that out and take a look at those along with your website, which we're gonna have in a description below for everyone to check out your podcast, your speaking, your coaching, your courses, and then most importantly, of course, your books.

And do you feel, do, are you working on any books now or do you think you're gonna take a little break or what are you feeling? I have one I'm gathering for sort of like when I was, I knew it, I knew it matter. I have, I have files and it, it's had three different titles so far and it's kind of a mess right now.

So we'll see. Yeah. Yeah. As, as an author, I understand the, uh, the titles can come and go quite a bit before you end on the final one, and then you're always wondering, Hmm, did I, did I choose the right one? I like this one. It's hard. It's hard. Same with the cover image. You know, you get back a couple different samples and you're like, Ugh.

I like all of them. Is there a way we could just print a book with like multiple covers? You know, like, see that's, that's the fun thing with comic books. They'll, they'll just like print 10 of the same one with different cover images, you know. But, um, yeah. So we're gonna have your website description below for people.

To check out and to connect with you further as well as check out your social medias and what would be the one thing you leave everyone with today. Obviously you just went over the cell framework, but if you had a compact or a whole conversation and to just a little neat takeaway for everyone to reflect on and to kind of digest and take a step back at their life and see how it's affecting their life and if they need to implement it or not, what would that be?

Well, I was saying earlier, you matter and I love you, but my question to you would be, do you love you? Mm-hmm. Do you love you? Do you love you without condition? And pause and think about that. And if you don't do something about it because you need to love yourself because you matter. God loves you. I love you.

Hashtag that lady on the Internet who loves you is Danielle Ock. Thank you for so much for coming on the show today and for all that you do. And I, I hope that your books, your speaking, your courses reach people as well as this episode. And I thank you for your time. Thank you so much. This was delightful.

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