Breaking The Silence: 20 Years Of Addiction And Suicide Loss

Today, I sit down with Damien Bloss, a man who battled addiction for over 20 years before finding freedom through recovery. We dive into the root of his struggle—losing a close family member to suicide and the decades of guilt and emotional suppression that followed. Mr. Bloss opens up about how this trauma went unspoken for decades, only finally revealing it through the release of his 2024 book Breaking the Silence.

Mr. Bloss and I explore the dangerous turning points of addiction, including multiple DUIs, jail time, and drinking on the job. He walks us through the reality of being a functioning addict—someone who hadn't lost everything but was on the brink. His story reveals how difficult it is to determine when someone needs help, especially when dark humor masks real suicidal thoughts. We also discuss how rock bottom isn’t the same for everyone, and how therapy, faith, and accountability played crucial roles in his recovery.

Now five years sober, Mr. Bloss mentors inmates, runs support groups, and speaks out to help others break free. His book isn’t just for addicts—it’s for loved ones trying to understand what’s going on behind closed doors. If you or someone you love is battling addiction, this episode is a powerful reminder: it’s never too late to seek help, and no one should have to suffer in silence.

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Transcript

 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of Couple of Nukes. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey, and we've had a lot of episodes on addiction and addiction recovery, but today's guest has probably, if I'm not mistaken, the record for the longest time addicted out of all the guests we've had on the show.

So today's episode is gonna be a very. Powerful one in the sense that a lot of people feel like after a certain point in time, there's no more hope. You know that they've always been in addiction, so they're gonna stay in addiction. Or once you're an addict for a couple years and that's it, you're always gonna be one.

But we're here with a man who was addicted for over two decades, which is a long time. That's a good portion of our lives, and so I want. The focus today to be that it's never too late. I think that's one of the most important messages I've always put forward when it comes to addiction recovery. It's important for.

You as the addicted individual to know, but especially as the people supporting an addicted loved one trying to get them help, you have to always have that hope that it's not too late either. So without further ado, Mr. Damien Blass here to speak with you on your story of addiction and recovery. To break the silence, I'd love for you to go ahead and introduce yourself for us please.

Yeah, sure. Thank you. And thank you also for having me on. Um, yeah, my name's Damien Bloss. Um, and like you said, it's been, it was over two decades that I was in active addiction 20 years, uh, 20 plus years. I started, um, to basically self-destruct when I was about 18, 19 years old. So in terms of like, you know, I've gone to so many meetings and things and a lot of people start when they're 12, 13 years old, and that wasn't the case for me.

You know, it was a little bit older, um, than I was, but, um, it doesn't matter when you start. It doesn't matter when you stop. Uh, like you said before, um, it's never too late to. To try to get a grip on this thing. Um, so yeah, I've been, uh, sober now five, uh, a little over five years. February 13th, 2020, um, is my sobriety date.

And, um, you know, it's, it's like I said, when, uh, I was about 18, 19 years old, I started to self-destruct. Um, before that. Everything was a, I had a normal childhood and, and baseball was my life. I wanted to grow up in, you know, play for the pros and, uh, play for my favorite sports team, which was the Baltimore Orioles.

I, I really wanted to do that. And, um, you know, it, it had different plans. There was different plans for me, uh, for sure. Yeah. And I know from, you know, reading through your bio before we got here, what I find very interesting. Is, you know, kind of the root cause of your addiction, which, we'll, I'll have you get into here in a minute.

But, uh, you know, ties very well into the, a lot of the themes of the show itself. Um, you know, I'll drop it in that, in relation to. You know, one of the most difficult topics we cover on this show, and one of the things I say is the most difficult part about the military is the conversation of suicide, of suicide prevention and awareness, and as well as the people left behind.

You know, I've had some episodes on grieving and the, the complications of the grief when there's a suicide, the survivor's guilt, the blaming yourself. I've had, um, very powerful episodes where. People didn't refuse to go to the funeral of the person who took their life because they were just so mad at them and so upset at them.

And so to, to have those feelings build up into something that eventually turns into addiction is, is no surprise. And you know, one of the things we talk about is it's really difficult to deal with those emotions. Those are one of the most complicated, you know, human experiences I think are out there. Oh, absolutely.

And you know, just as in my case too, um, it was the loss of a, a very close family member of mine who, um, died by suicide. And, um, what's what's interesting in a way, um, about that is that, you know, nobody in the family knew about this. Um. Uh, he confided in me about this and being 18, 19 years old and I'd never experienced anything like that.

And that was further from my mind, you know, um, I didn't know what to do with that information, but he would always say like, oh, I'm just joking. I'm not gonna do that. And, you know, so I would just brush it off and, um, but he continued to say it and it still never struck with me until. Um, it actually happened and I'm left here with, um.

You know, this information that I could have done something with, and now I'm like, you said, I'm, I'm here with the guilt and the, the, what could I have done? I could have said something, he'd still be here and all this, and blah, blah, blah. And you know, I, I turned to the bottle. Because I've realized that it helped me to suppress all of that emotion, all of that guilt, until it was nearly gone.

And then by that time, I, I was full-blown addict. And now, um, you know, I'm living to for that and yeah, I, I had forgotten about the guilt and things like that. And, you know, it took me down a road of. You know, stints in, in jail and DUIs and, uh, you know, ruin relationships and just complete turmoil. I understand a lot.

You know, one of the things we've discussed the most on the show, and something that I write about a lot in the books that I'm featured in and the other shows I've guessed on, which is the, how do you make that determination of does someone really need help? Because suicide prevention, I mean, obviously right, you always want to save their life.

That's the number one priority, but at the same time, you don't want to misinterpret it and then screw over their life. Maybe you report them and they lose their career or there's complications with their family or whatever it is. Especially I speak about, in particular the military, there's a lot more, uh, changes that happen if someone is suicidal, right?

Compared to the civilian world, but. You know, it's like, how do you know if they're joking? Especially with people have really, and especially in the military, but even in, in general with, with the type of humor that circulates around the internet. You know, the fact that we're kind of desensitized to dark humor, into making jokes like that.

There's a lot of people who say, oh, I'm going to kill myself, or this or that, or there's a lot of people who say it to a less joking degree, but they still don't mean it. So it's like, how do we make that determination and it's. It is not a responsibility anyone should have to bear, to be honest, especially someone who's 18.

Right. At, at that point in your life, your, your sense of emotional awareness and self-awareness and analyzing those situations, like you don't know, you know, even, even now as, as, as grown men and women, that that's a very difficult situation to analyze. And so, I mean, you talk about, it kind of spiraled out.

I mean, how did it go with the. The whole process if there, if there was a funeral with the family and everything, did you ever admit to anyone that you were the only person who knew? Or did you keep that locked up for a long time? Yeah. No, I, I didn't tell anybody because the family, they were already in an uproar, not, not experience this either and, you know, right.

They didn't know how to, so it was, it's his fault or her fault or this or that, and I'm like, there's no way. I'm gonna put myself out there and be like, I knew about this when you guys are all blaming. Right? And, and they were blaming. In, in a sense because they didn't know what's going on. So there's, they don't know what to do, right?

They weren't equipped for this. So, um, yeah, I held onto that, that information until, um, I've wrote my book, which was, which actually came out last year, April, 2024. Um, nobody knew about it at all. And you know, my family, my mom and my dad and everybody, they've read the book and they're like, I had no idea.

And I'm like. Exactly that, that, that was my, that was my point. I wasn't wanting you all to know, but, you know, going through the therapy and, and the trauma therapy and, you know, trying to get on this, this recovery journey, you know, there was some things that I had to be vulnerable with and I had to. Let this out and, you know, I, I'd let it out to my therapist and finally my wife and, you know, I, it trickled down to where I could finally open up to my family after the book came out.

Um, but yeah, that, I had to hold onto that for 20 plus years. You know, that was a, a big part of my, my life that I. You know, it was, it was so hard to, to keep it in to where I would let it slip out a little bit here and there, like with my wife, or even by myself. Like I would, you know, I'm so inebriated and, you know, drunk that I'm just like talking to myself and, and I know that this stuff is wanting to come out, but I just couldn't let it out.

Right. I was gonna say, so you mentioned getting that little bit of relief from, from the therapist to, to your wife, but you didn't have that big relief of everyone knows, or, you know what, what I'm really curious about is did you ever, even though your friend had passed on, did you ever have a conversation with them just to the sky or, or, or, or to the grave, say like, Hey, I'm sorry.

Like, did you ever kind of confess that to them? I did, um, before I wanted to write my book. Um, you know, I was in the process of doing all that, but on a separate, on a separate side, I actually wrote him a letter, um, you know, explaining everything that I felt right, and not, not like blaming him, but saying, you know, that I.

Could I, it was hard for me to, to deal with all of that without it, it was hard to write only because I didn't want to be like, this is your fault. You made me like this right when he has no voice now. Um, so it, it took a little bit of time, but I wrote it in the way that I knew that I was talking to him, and, and hopefully he knew as well.

And, um, because after it happened, you know, he, um, I, I would have nightmares and legit nightmares to where I couldn't fall asleep because I could see these images and, you know, and things like that and, and start going through these scenarios In my mind that would just keep me awake. So, you know, I had to write about that to him as well.

Right. And so now that you have, you know, you finished the book, are you completely relieved of all that guilt? Or do you still struggle to some degree with everything that's happened? So I don't really feel the, the guilt anymore. Um, there are times when I'm like, dang, you know, I, I, I wish I, he was here. I could talk to him about this and things like that, even after all these years.

But, um, I don't, I don't. Harbor that guilt anymore. I've, I've learned through the trauma therapy, especially the, the trauma therapy helped a lot, um, with trying to let those feelings go where I'm, I'm not 18, 19-year-old Damien anymore. I'm, I'm doing the steps to, to make me a better person in order to live with that.

And now I'm able to. Focus on what the memories I did have back then of, you know, him and things like that. And, um, so yeah. I mean, it, it was a very long process. Um, but, and, and I wouldn't say that I'm completely over it. I don't think I ever will be completely over it. Right. You know, but it, it's, it's a lot easier to deal with, um, being able to use my resources and things like that.

Yeah. And so we've talked about your emotional journey quite a bit here, and I want to kind of circle back around to how all these emotions played into the formation of addiction and kind of like where that started and how it kind of, you know, snowballed into the 20 plus years of addiction. Sure. Um, you know, even back then, uh, I was very introverted.

Um, I, I was very shy. I wanted to be the person that could be outgoing and, and talk to all these people and, you know, just be like the life of the party and things like that. But I was not physically able to, um, I couldn't get over that hump, but I noticed that, you know, when I would drink. I could let loose.

I could. I could be this person that I absolutely loved. It was the person that I was looking for that whole entire time, and it was. Deep down in there and the alcohol, let me, let me bring it out. And um, you know, so, you know, the guilt and everything aside, I, I had completely forgotten about that. Now I'm this Damian that, that everyone, uh, wants to be around.

Everyone is like, oh, this is the fun Damien, and, you know, things like that. And it, it built my confidence up. And so. In order for me to function certain, sometimes I would have to drink so that that person could come out And, um, that got me, um, you know, down that road where now I have to, in order for me to be that person all the time, I have to drink all the time.

Yeah. Um, you know, so which also led to getting in, uh, you know, trouble with the law and things like that. Um. But yeah, I, I loved the person that I was until I hated that person that I was. Hmm. And you know, that I didn't start to hate that person until I'd say about seven, eight years ago. Um, maybe a little bit longer than that because I wanted to get sober.

I, I could not look at myself in the mirror. And, you know, when I did, I'm like, who is this person? I'm, no, I'm no longer at this point drinking to have fun. It's for survi survival. Um, I could not live without it. So I was, now I'm back to a, a person that I. Don't want to be, I'm not outgoing because it's, it's not fun.

I'm just doing it to cure the shakes or, you know, right. The withdrawal symptoms and things like that. So I'm like, I, I could not, uh, you know, even look at myself in the mirror and I wanted to get help, but I just. I wanted to, but I didn't want to because somewhere deep inside I was like, I could still be that one person that I, I used to like, you know?

Mm-hmm. And so I was at, at, at war with myself. Wow. Yeah. That's definitely interesting. And. What's interesting to me is how long it took to form that I hate myself. You know, I saw a great clip from, uh, one of the people I've worked with in addiction recovery and podcasting, and he talked about how he hated himself because he goes.

There are people who had their wake up call so easy when it came to addiction. They, you know, this thing happened and they were like, I gotta stop drinking. Or they were just like, Hey, I need to get sober. He goes, I, I had to go to jail. I had to get a DUI three times. Like he talked about all this stuff he went through.

And for me, listening to your story to know that you didn't hate yourself till more than halfway through, I mean, you mentioned already getting in trouble with the law, like. How was none of that stuff a wake up call to you? Like how did you process that stuff happening? Did you just brush it off because you were addicted or like how, where was your mindset at when it came to like getting DUIs or getting in trouble with the law or even other skirmishes with people who were probably family or friends?

Yeah. Yeah. So rock bottom, I learned, um, is not the same for everybody. Yeah. Um, you would think that my rock bottom would've been going to jail the first time saying that this is a wake up call. You know, I can't be doing this. I'm, I'm putting people's lives at risk. Um, you know, and, and. Not to mention myself, but other people's lives that I, I am putting myself responsible for, for no reason.

Um, so when I went to, I, I, um, got my first DUI in early 2004 I believe it was, um, and. I, it was a, a basic slap on the wrist. Um, and, and the weird thing about it too is real quick is I was, I was driving at a high rate of speed down a, a, you know, a, a back road that was only about 25, 30 miles an hour, but I'm doing like 60, 65 mm.

And, um, you know, I hit a parked car and luckily it wasn't nobody, you know, but. Even after doing that? Yeah. Yeah. It, it totally could have been. And, um, you know, just having no regard for anyone's safety. Um, you know, that scares me to this day. Um, I am not as, I'm not, um, proud of that. I, I hold a lot of.

Resentment to that person that I was, um, because it could have been bad. And, you know, I, I, that's, you know, one of the p pieces where I'm like, I hated that person. But you know, I went to jail that night and I basically got a slap on the wrist. Um hmm. And I don't know if it was that that said, ah, just go out and do it again.

Or if it was that. I thought that I could just do it. You know, like I, I thought that, that the laws didn't matter to me. I don't know what exactly it was. Um, right. And I know that I couldn't stop drinking back then, but I wasn't, I. As far into addiction as, you know, I was about to be, um, at that time. And then, you know, six months later I get another one, six months to the day I get another one.

Wow. Um, and you know, I spend a weekend down at, um, central booking in our, our city and, um, that was even worse than the first one. In, in a worse jail. 'cause the first time it was in county jail and this time is in city jail. Mm-hmm. Um, and the, the atmosphere and the environment was so much worse than that.

Right. Of the first one. You know, I'd be like, uh, now I'd be like, there's no way I want to go back to that. Um, even being in there for a weekend. So it was, it's like. Why didn't I wake up at that point, you know, my parents had to put their house up in order to get me outta jail, um, because they didn't have the funds to get to bail me out and things like that.

And I, so now other people are coming into my story, I. You know, now other people are involved that should not be involved. And it's still not having me wake up. And after that, I, I go to my first rehab, I'm court ordered to do, um, AA meetings and this, uh, outpatient treatment and, you know, therapy. And they got me doing all this stuff and I'm just going through the motions.

You know, I'm listening to people's story and I'm like, uh, when I would hear people's story in these meetings. I would, I would pick out, they, they'd start naming off all these stu, all these things that they've done in their, um, you know, in their past. And I'm like listening for that one thing that I did not go through.

So I could be like, now I'm not like that person, so I'm good. Like, it, it was like a, a breath of fresh air. Like, whew, I'm not like that, you know? So, yeah, it was bad. No, I totally get that. You know, it's, it really is scary. I remember, um. We had a woman on my show who she was drinking so much as she woke up, um, pulled over on the side of the road.

She had been in a, uh, you know, being chased down by a cop from Pennsylvania to New Jersey, and she was blacked out the entire time until they got pulled over and she goes, could you, I mean, the fact that she didn't hit anyone, the fact that she was able to do that, you know, that kind of stuff is scarier, like you said.

That could have been a car, a parked car, and there could have been a, you know, a mom and her kids getting out of it or, you know, you never know. And so, absolutely, it really is scary. And I wonder if we need harsher, you know, penalties for drinking and driving or the, or to assume that anyone who gets pulled over and, and they're drinking, driving that.

They're an addict. You have to treat them all like addicts and send them, uh, you know, because I, I get it. Sometimes people just go to the bar and then they drive home. Right. Doesn't make them an alcoholic. But you, you never know. At the same time, I think something you said that's really important is, as we've talked about a lot on the show, is AA and rehab only really works if you want to do it.

If your heart's not in it, you're gonna, like you said, I, I really like what you said. Trying to, you know, put down the other people there and, and, and not equate, you know, that's why part of that when you come in is you're supposed to say, you know, I'm so and so and I'm an alcoholic. Right? You're supposed to set that equality when you come in, but I.

You know? Yeah. Like you said, I like how you said it, going through the motions. It's court ordered, you know? Yep. Why are you here? I'm here because the court told me to, you know? Yeah. So I think it's, it's only as effective as, you know, your willingness to hold yourself accountable and to want help. And you know, I think what you've highlighted here is something that is very known about addicts is it, it makes you into a very selfish person.

You know, even when other people get involved, you know, it's kind of like, well, you know. Who cares, or you'll find, you'll be like, I didn't ask for their help. You know, it's like, yeah, you always try to find some way to justify your behavior, continue drinking and, and put yourself up. So you talk about starting to hate that person at some point.

Is that what pushed you? What pushed you towards wanting to recover in sobriety? DI was finally ready. Um, and, you know, so it started affecting. Uh, so let me backtrack a little bit. My drinking wasn't affecting anything in my life. You know, you would, I would always hear people talk about, like, I've, I've lost my job and my house and my wife and my car, and blah, blah, blah, all this stuff.

Mm-hmm. And, you know, I had never lost that. And I think that was, you know, fueling, fueling this because. I hadn't gotten to that part yet. I haven't gotten that far to where it's affecting my life that I thought, you know? Mm-hmm. But it was affecting everything, right? So now, at, at this point, you know, I hadn't lost my job and, and or anything like that, but I was drinking at work.

Um, because I could not go a whole day without it. I couldn't go more than an hour without it. Right. So, you know, I, I'm drinking at work and they're, now, they're starting to notice. So now I could potentially lose that job that I, that I hadn't lost yet. I could potentially, if I lose that, I'll lose my house, I'll lose my car, I'll lose my wife.

You know, it'll all snowball down, but I still didn't care. Um, it it, like you were saying before too, this is a very selfish disease and I. We don't care, as harsh as it is. Um, and a as shameful as that is, we just don't, um, all we need is that next fix, no matter what it is. Um, you know, so it started getting, getting to me.

Um. People are, oops. Um, people are noticing at my job, uh, my wife is noticing my family, my, you know, my daughters, um, they were young at the time, but they still knew what was going on and, you know, so they're starting to notice. And I remember going into my job one day and, um, they, uh, for some reason I had broken down.

Um, you know, I started getting really emotional and, um, I. I started shaking really bad, so I went out to my car. I, I had a few drinks to calm my nerves and, you know, bring me back to normal. And, um, I went back in and I go into my supervisor and I'm like, listen, I, I gotta go. Um, I, I need, I need some help.

And he was like. I'm glad you actually came in here and said that, because if you would've just come down and sat at your desk, you would be gone right now. Um, so I would've lost my job at that point. And at that moment I called this, um, I, you know, talked to them and I was like, I'm, I'm gonna call rehab and, um.

I did not call a rehab. I called a therapist and I went out on short, short term disability and I go to this therapist. Um, short term was 30 days, so I'm outta work now for 30 days, but I'm still getting paid. Um, I was, I stayed sober for a week in that 30 days I went to therapy, but I still, I only stayed sober for a week.

I wanted to do, I said I was gonna do AA and I was gonna do all this stuff. I didn't do any of it, right? I go back to, I go back to work. All I did in that 30 days was figure out how I can mask it even more to where maybe they won't know. Um, so I go back to work and, and things are different. I'm, I'm able to contain myself, but still I'm drinking at, at my job and I'm still able to contain myself.

Um, but. It wasn't even at that point. It wasn't until I'll, I'll skip ahead a little bit because I go back and forth with this, um, you know, trying to get sober Yeah. Cycle and then I fall off. Yeah. It's a whole big cycle, but I tried about five or six times. I just still wasn't ready. It wasn't until, um, in I wanted, I want to say early 2020.

Um, you know, January, maybe even 20, uh, 19. Um, but, uh, I started to really want to get sober, but I don't know how to do it at this point. And then in February of 2020, I wanted to take my own life. That was when I realized I need to. Do something because that wasn't like me at all. And, and even drunk me knew that that wasn't somebody that I wanted to be.

And living past, you know, what happened with our family and what happened to me, I, why would I, I, I'm gonna do this now to my kids and my wife. Right. And, you know, so all that started to, uh, come back and, um, but I was, I was serious because the disease was telling me that. The only way out of this is not rehab.

You tried that. It's not therapy. You tried that. Mm. The only way out is by taking yourself out. And um, wow. I was very serious about that. And what I did was that day, um, I was in the process of. Texting my wife 'cause I couldn't hear her voice. I didn't want to hear her voice, so I didn't wanna call. I text.

I was in the process of texting her, telling her that she needs to pick up the kids 'cause I'm not gonna be able to. And I was gonna tell her everything that's going on. And, um, I had this phone number of this pastor in my phone and I had never called him before, but my dad, uh, gave it to him, to me to have me call him at one point.

And I was like, I'll take his number. I ain't calling him. And, um. I accidentally called him in the process of me texting her and I, I completely froze. Um, and I couldn't hang up. I couldn't do anything. And then he answers and something came over me and I just break down. I'm like, I need help. I know you're not equipped for this, and I, I just need something.

And he agreed to meet with me, um, at this coffee shop down the street from my house. And, um. At that moment, he asked me to pray, and I had never done that before. God and myself had no, uh, relationship. Um, I believed, and that was as far as it got. I'd never prayed before, and I prayed that day and it, it felt good and I felt so different.

This time was gonna be different, and I went home. I texted my wife, I, I still didn't call her. I texted her and I was like, you gotta pick up the kids I'm in. No, um, you know, no mindset to be able to do that. Um, and then I called a rehab here locally to me, it's called Ashley Treatment Center, right down the road from me.

And I, um, I set me a date to go in. They wanted me to go in that day and they were like, do you need to detox? And I should have, I, I totally should have gone. And, uh, I said no, because they wanted me to go to that day. That disease was telling me, still, you can beat this. You don't need to go today. Just let 'em.

They had a bed waiting for me. Uh, it was like five days from that day I. So I took that one instead of going that day, um, because I still in my mind thought that I could beat this. And, um, so I set it up and I actually did the next day. Um, I, uh, stayed sober. Um, I still should have detoxed, should not have gone through it by myself.

Um, my wife stayed here with me in case something were to happen. I had seizures and things like that. But, um. I did, I got sober on my own. And um, you know, that day came when I was supposed to go to rehab and I'm like, I don't know if I actually need it, you know, and it's starting to tell me again, yeah, you don't need to do this.

And, um, I, uh, but I did. I kept that date, I kept it and I went and the whole ride there, my wife took me. I'm thinking, how can I get out of this? Maybe if I just jump out of this car right here on, on the road, right? Yeah. Run into the woods, hide for a couple days. They won't find me. You know, this is the kind of crazy thinking that I'm, I'm going through and I'm literally thinking this stuff that it actually could happen.

But nonetheless, I did end up getting there and, um, you know, that was, uh, the best decision I ever made. Right. And then fast forward through your sobriety. We're here today. You're now podcast guesting, and you wrote. Breaking the silence. So what is the main purpose and message with that? I seem to kind of help us, uh, us who are addicted or the, uh, loved ones of addicted individuals kind of shortcut that, you know, 20 plus years and to get help sooner.

So what is the silence you're referring to that we're supposed to be breaking, you know, with your book and with these conversations? Yeah. Um, I, uh, breaking the silence to me means. N speaking up, um, ISI suffered in silence for so long. I, I hid it or tried to for so long. I know I needed help for so many years, but I never spoke up because I didn't want people to look at me different.

I didn't want to be judged. I didn't want people to say. Well, you're, you're this or you're that. And, uh, you've lied so many times. How can I trust you and, and, uh, you know, all this stuff, just, uh, I'm gonna judge you. So, breaking the silence for me is speaking up, holding yourself accountable and sticking to the goal that you need to be, that you need to set for yourself.

And that is to get sober sooner rather than later. Of course, I. It's okay to do it later, it's just do it. But the thing is, is that you don't wanna wait too long. Uh, you don't wanna get to the point to where it has such a control over you that it's telling you that you don't need to be here anymore. So that to me is what breaking the silence is.

Um, and you know, for those out there who are, are, who love someone who is going through this, um, it is. A battle. It, it really is. And I, I know the things that I put my wife through, um, she was the closest one to me, so I know what she had to go through in order. To stick with me. She shouldn't have stuck with me.

And I tell her that all the time. And, um, she saw something in me that nobody else did, or at least that I didn't see. Um, and that's why she stuck with me. But, you know, the thing is, is that you have to be patient as well. If you love someone with an addiction, you have to be patient and you have to know that their, their recovery must come first.

Um, that is the biggest thing because we don't, you know, we don't think about that kind of stuff, you know, especially loved ones. They don't think about that. If they, that, that their recovery must come first. I, right. And. I think it's so important to have these conversations, especially from people who went through it.

I think, like you said, a lot of addicts or alcoholics, they suffer in silence for many reasons. One of them that you kinda mentioned is the. Functioning alcoholic slash addicted individual, right? They're, they're still going to work. They still have the family life. They still have the car and the house and you know, they're performing well so people don't know, right?

And then secondly, like you said, that fear of being judged or, you know, looked at, and we definitely need to help the, have these conversations more and to help, you know, kind of like break down the stigma that, you know, that. Alcoholics and addicts are bad people. You know that they're, they're, you know, that they're villains or that they're, you know, like we said, yeah, it's selfish, but it's also not, you know, this malicious selfishness necessarily that you're like a bad, terrible person.

Right. It's, it's, like we said, it's developed into a, a physical disease, you know? Yeah. So a, a dependency and so who should really. Read your book, it sounds like it's for not just, um, addicted individuals, but also for their loved ones as well. Correct? Yeah. Yeah. It's for anyone. Um, it, it goes through the whole story of, you know, from beginning to end.

Um, even in the, in the back of the book, I, I have some, I put in some accountability questions that I actually used for myself that. It's not like a homework piece, but it, it, it helps you to get real with yourself. Um, and when you can put those feelings and those, those real thoughts on paper, it, it makes it more real.

And you look at it and you're like, wow, that's, that's, that's really how I feel because you have nobody to lie to. You have nobody to impress. You have nobody to do anything with it except yourself. Yeah. And then the, the last question that I wanna leave us here with is, I mean, what is your life looking like now?

Are you still struggling with temptation, with thoughts of addiction, with all the emotional turmoil and you know, your new life, or have you gladly sobriety and you are going at it pretty strong every day? I know it's been about five years, so what is that looking like right now? Yeah. So I, I'm, I'm, I wanted to, when I got into recovery, I wanted to hit it head on and just, you know, go all out.

Um, because if I was gonna do this, I was gonna do it right and I was gonna do it for good. And, um, so I. Stay busy with like, doing meetings. Um, I, I do speaking engagements. Um, I have a, um, I am a, uh, mentor at our local detention center, um mm-hmm. And I partner with them to mentor inmates who. Are in there for drug and alcohol offenses and things like that.

Um, so I, I, um, I also have a, I started a group at my job. Um, the job that I almost lost, I'm still there. They, um, I, I was very upfront with them and told them what I was, happen, what was happening with me, and they decided to keep me. Um, thankfully, uh, so I started a group there and I help others who are at my job.

Who are trying, or, you know, struggling in silence because they're afraid that their supervisor or whatever will, you know, reprimand them. I wanted to let them know that that's not the case. So, you know, helping out as many people as I can doing these podcasts, getting the word out and letting them know that you're not alone.

That's the main thing is that I wanted people to know that they are not alone. Right. And I really appreciate that. Like I said, it's important for us to have these conversations, which can be very difficult for people to have. So I appreciate your vulnerability, your accountability, and your honesty. And we're gonna have your link tree, the description below so people can find, uh, some of your other content.

You find your book most importantly. And I just wanna thank you again for your time today. Awesome. Thank you. I appreciate you having me on. I really do.