We Are Not Destined To Be Our Parents: Lady Jen’s Journey Of Resilience

It's that time again where I record with someone I met on the 2024 Podcasters Cruise. (Link Below To Join Us In 2025) I had the privilege of meeting Dame Lady Jen Duplessis on a beach in Mexico, where she and I talked business and about what we've done, and I definitely wanted to have her on the show for y'all given how much she has accomplished.

Lady Jen is a distinguished entrepreneur, podcaster, philanthropist, and the first dame to receive a sword in the Royal Order of Constantine the Great and St. Helen. She shares her inspiring journey of overcoming childhood adversity, breaking through generational trauma, and redefining success beyond financial achievements. Lady Jen opens up about her early struggles, her relentless pursuit of excellence in business, and how she transitioned from a workaholic mindset to a life of purpose and harmony.

We get into the importance of giving back, the power of emotional intelligence, and how true success is measured by impact rather than income. She reveals the mindset shifts and key principles that helped her build a billion-dollar business, author bestselling books, and launch multiple successful podcasts. Through candid reflections, she highlights the role of mentorship, networking, and intentional living in creating a fulfilling and balanced life.

With the concept of giving back, we also explore the philosophy of "Learn, Earn, Return" and how Lady Jen now dedicates her life to helping others achieve sustainable success. Whether you’re an aspiring entrepreneur, a business owner looking to scale, or someone seeking deeper fulfillment, this episode is packed with wisdom, strategies, humor, and motivation to help you move from hustle to harmony. 

https://www.ladyjenduplessis.com/

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Transcript

Hey, so first of all, thank you so much for having me on the show. I really, really appreciate it. And I'm excited for you to be on my podcast as well. You know, that's one of the things that we talked about when we were floating in the water on the cruise, you know, hanging out at the beach and everything.

And uh, you know, it's just exciting to be here and be part of your show. Um, so there's some parts of this title that I'm going to keep private because there's a lot more story behind it, which you know, but I'm not ready to reveal. Um, the other part of it, however, is that I was nominated by a colleague, um, or a person, I should say a person, who is in the Royal Order of Constantine the Great and St.

Helen, and it's part of the House of Cappadocia. So much like Elton John, you know, when Elton John became Sir Elton John, he was knighted by the Queen, who's part of the House of Cappadocia. The house of Windsor. So we're just part of a different house. Um, and I was knighted because of my philanthropy work.

I do a lot of charity work in a lot of different areas, not only contributing, uh, money, which, you know, is not in my opinion, philanthropy work, but also digging in. And you and I were just talking about in the green room about Michelle Jews. Very, um, Whom you interviewed, uh, right? Did you interview her? Did she, she interviewed me and hopefully one day I will interview her.

Yeah, that's awesome. So Michelle's a longtime friend of mine. Um, I've actually nominated her to be in, in the Royal order as well. Um, and we'll see how that all kind of pans out, but she has a, um, organization called unsilenced voices and I support that. Uh, charity as one of the charities that I support.

So it starts there. Um, with all the work that we do, you know, to make the world a better place, make an impact, help people that it's near and dear to our heart, whatever that, that charity is, whatever that philanthropy work is. So it's not specific to any type of charity. And then once we get past that with the Prince.

Then we are looked at as what are you doing as an entrepreneur? And how are you giving back to the world as an entrepreneur? Are you in a cocoon, you know, where you're taking care of yourself and making, making money and, you know, doing all these things, but not giving back to the world. So, you know, there's, it's a little twofold.

So yeah, I was knighted a couple of years ago. Um, in fact, I just got my sword in,  I'm the first dame in the entire order. There's less than a thousand of us worldwide. And I'm the first dame to get a sword because we get knighted with scepters, which are gorgeous and beautiful. But I said, if I'm going to defend chivalry and honesty and charity, I need a sword. 

So  now I have this big sword and I can't take it anywhere. You know, obviously the case is too big. Yeah, they don't let, they don't allow those on cruises. They don't like a lot of those on airplanes, right? So yeah, so our charity, um, the charity which is part of the, the Royal Order, we focus on helping women and children that are homeless and trafficked children as well.

And that's what our specialty is. So we have a monarchical chapter Anyone can be part of that's our 501 C3. It's  250 a year to be a member. And, you know, we encourage people to go there, go to the monarchical chapter for the, um,  it's called my royal order. org. And you'll see the monarchical chapter. And we love members to be contributing. 

You know, I've been called Mr. Whiskey, Dr. Whiskey, Captain Whiskey, and just regular Whiskey, but never Sir Whiskey.  So I might have to get knighted just for the sole fact of running an addiction recovery shell and being called Sir Whiskey. You know, it's, I think it's so great. But we talked about You know, you've got multiple, multiple, multiple bestselling books on online.

You've got multiple  podcasts, a TV show, but I want to go back because we can see that on your website. I want to go back to all before that, to the deeper stuff, the story of resilience.  young Lady Jen before she was Lady Jen, you know, all the way back to that time period of your life and kind of where you started out.

Because most of us who end up on this path of charity work, of entrepreneurism, we never foresee that for ourself. You know, it's kind of like it ends up happening. So was that the case with you?  Oh, yeah, totally the case for me. And I actually I have a saying that I say that, you know, in life we learn, then we earn, and then we return.

Right. And, um, and I think that, uh, you know, everybody's at a different stage, right? They're either learning, they're now maybe starting to earn or maybe they're really heavily in their earning stages. And they're not really focused on the learning or the earning. I mean, the returning because they're in the midst of kids. 

You know, like all the stuff and climbing the corporate ladder, but then when they get to the top of that corporate ladder, as is the case with me, um, they're like, okay, so now what?  You know, I feel like I'm missing something in my heart. I have something in my wallet, but I need something in my heart now.

Right. And, but that learning, I think, you know, at that stage, people say, well, now I want to get back, but I also want to be a life learner. And so they start learning more. So this is like this gap or this dip in this learning, you know, you're an exception because you continue to learn all along, um, most don't do that.

So I can imagine what it's going to be like when you're my age and you're saying. Wow. Look at all these wonderful things I've done because you continue to learn. You continue to earn. But most it's segmented and some crossing over and, um,  you know, and that's really what happened with me with my, my story is, you know, it was all about learning and earning and, and then I said, Oh, I don't like that as much  like this returning piece. 

For sure. You know. About once a week. I don't always make it every week, but Steve Wright, who runs the Managers for Lead Facebook group, you know, he's a great guy, and he's always presenting new books to us. He's always reading these books, and he's actually doing this thing called the, the 12 week year. So every 12 weeks is like a new year, and he always presents himself, quote, as a lifelong learner.

And that's the thing. Why would you ever stop learning? You know, there, there is no, Downside to it, I know people talk about being cursed with knowledge, and sure, there's a lot of tragedies we can see out there. But on the flip side, why would you not want to keep learning to help aid those tragedies in any way you can?

You know, people want to shut down the whole outside world. From being in their personal lives and they don't want to see that stuff, but it's like at the same time, it's going to happen regardless. So what we can do is learn as much as we can and improve herself as much as we can to contribute in any way we can, whether it's to it directly or indirectly.

So you talk about. I mean, let's get into the beginning of your journey, you know, post high school, what was that looking like? Well, I think we have to go back a little bit further. Um, and the reason why we need to do that is to get some foundation of really, you know, uh, who I am. And again, I'm going to keep some of this, this part private as it relates to the, the royal, you know, the royalty.

Um, but, you know, I'm one of 36 first cousins. Um, I come from a big Catholic family. And in that family, my mom and dad were the, the sore thumb, you know, the, the bad family members, you know, and I'll look at later on, I've learned everybody has their problems, right. But when you're, when you're, you know, eight, seven, eight, nine, 10 years old, and, you know, your dad is the only alcoholic who embarrasses people.

You're the, your mom is the only one who screams and yells. And, you know, she was my first bully, um, which is what attracted me to working with Michelle. You know, speaking of which, but my mom was my first bully. And my dad was an alcoholic. We were poor, they smoked, um, you know, they just didn't have anything.

And I was the only grandchild that was an only child.  Uh, the rest of all of us had, you know, cousins, we had brothers and sisters and whatnot, and I was the only one who was an only child. So it was. a really lonely, um, childhood. I wasn't raised to fight with people and, you know, pull hair and all that stuff.

So I was very, uh, quiet and you know me, you know, that I'm a very reserved kind of individual. Um, it's a little different when I get on these things, you know, I get excited and I have all this passion. But, um,  but, you know, I'm not one who tries to get attention. I'm not somewhat, you know, I'm very much an observer and a listener, still have a little bit of that guarded part of me that says, you know, I mean, can I trust them? 

And so that comes from childhood. That all starts when you're in your, you know, that seven, eight range, whatever you. Imprint on your kids at that age is what they carry with them for the rest of their lives. And, um, so my uncle told me, and by the way, my nickname was Jenny who ain't got a penny  and everybody had a nickname, but mine was that one.

And I didn't really think anything of it.  Until one day my uncle said to me, you know, Jenny, they're going to be just like them. You're going to be poor. You're going to be an alcoholic. You're going to be a verbal abuser. You're going to amount to really nothing because that's how the world is. You know, if your parents are that you're going to be that basically saying, Hey, look, your parents are trailer trash.

Although we didn't live in a trailer, you know, your parents are trailer trash. So you're going to be trailer trash. And, um, that hit me, you know, it hit me not because he said it. Um, but because I saw it every day with the fighting and the arguing, you know, my mom or my dad had a shotgun to my mom's head one time when I came in the house.

And, um, and those are all triggers, you know, now that I don't like people who drink a ton. I don't like, you know, drinking is fine, but not too much. I don't like people that are abusive verbally. It's just all those pieces. And I just set out on this path. So if I accelerate to teenage years, you know, I was runner up Miss Colorado.

I played flute and piccolo in the Colorado Springs Symphony. I was a tennis champion, a state tennis champion. I was a cheerleader. I had a 4. 0 GPA. They didn't have the extras that they do now. Um, I was pre med. I was going to be a cardiologist. I mean, you name it. I succeeded in it because I was going to prove to those.

People  right that I could be better and that transcended into that. It transcended in my work life, which is why I succeeded so well in work and why I continue to succeed. Um, but I think that foundation you have to understand in order to understand who I am and why I have this. Um, now part of my DNA to succeed in everything that I do to overachieve, to over give, to over help, to over, over support, uh, in everything that I do, not because I'm proving to anybody anymore, um, now because I want to live the life I want to live. 

You know, it really resonates with me because you talk about, you could see that future playing out and you could, you talk about how it imprints on them. And I remember  that  after I had achieved a good amount of success in the civilian world, post military and stuff like that. Now, during the military, I had worked on the submarine, had done operations on it, nuclear operations.

And I remember one nightmare I had one night, uh, post military  was my father, who I have a lot of trauma with, as well as my mother. Your mother being your first bully. I guess that's how I would classify mine as well. And I remember in the dream, it was so vivid. He said, you know, no matter where you go or how many submarines you work on, you'll never be good enough.

You know, that was the nightmare I had and  I, I thought I didn't care anymore, you know, nowadays I don't care what my mom and dad think, but that imprinting that foundation there on that deep, deep level, that subconscious level, even actually last night as we record this, you know, I had a dream about my mother, you know, and,  you know, it's, it's not good, even though I don't even talk to her anymore.

Yeah, my mom, my parents had passed, but they poke me in dreams. Quite a bit, you know, and I'll wake up in the morning and go, you know, okay,  am I an imposter? I'm not as good, you know, and so you have these moments, but I think, you know, what's worked for me is my emotional intelligence. I've really accelerated that.

I have intellectual intelligence. I already know that, right? Because I'm  really smart, but I didn't have the emotional intelligence. Attached to it. Um, until I, you know, really started saying, look, I'm done proving and I want to start living and I want to do it for me and not for you all. And, um, and that's where I really started accelerating as a person. 

And so when I wake up in the morning there, I go, you know what? I look at it a different way. I might get slightly triggered for a moment. Cause we all do. When we wake up from a nightmare, we're, and then we just calm down and say, wait a minute, hold on here.  I have the emotional intelligence to get past this.

So, you know, this is. Their problem. This is their weaknesses being reflected on me, and I don't have to accept them. And I can be a sponge or I can be a duck and just let them flow off me. And when I learned about emotional intelligence and how I could, um,  you know, mature internally.  That was the key to everything for me,  right?

And we've talked before on the show in multiple episodes about how discipline and self alignment with your identity will get you much further than any type of motivation, you know, because motivation phase it goes, but discipline, self control in an alignment With your purpose, you know, your self identity will get you so far, but sometimes I wonder if those nightmares are just my subconscious way of trying to motivate me a little bit, you know, by like you said, poking me saying, you know what, there are people out there.

Even though we are good enough, and even though we've proven to ourselves there's still people out there, so a little motivational factor. So you talked about your upbringing, not only just being outcasted, you know, your family from the rest, but then on top of that, the only child, you know, situation, outcasting you again, another layer.

Then you add into The conflicts with alcohol, which again, I've had that with my father's alcoholism and we've talked on the show about my personal journey with why I didn't drink for a long time and then ultimately why I ended up drinking and how I disassociated alcoholism and my identity. You know, as two separate things, because a lot of people project, and I'm sure you've experienced that in your own journey at first saying, if I drink alcohol, I'll become just like my father.

You know, you even had your uncle say that to you. And then you realize as you grow older that alcohol affects people in different ways. We all have different levels of self control and We're not predestined to, to be under any generational curse or ideology like that. So  from that, I was going to say, it's interesting that you say that because I think that, um, so one of the things I, so I went to Al Anon for years to cope with my mom, my mom and my dad, cause  the, my mom never drank.

I mean, once in a blue moon, she'd have some little cocktail at something, but. Um, or sip of my dad's beer, thank goodness he was a beer alcoholic and not like a raging heavy duty alcoholic. Um, although his favorite drink was seven sevens when he went out, you know, we talked about that, but, um,  you know, I think that what we also need to understand is that what I learned through Al Anon is that, uh, you know what, I wasn't an alcoholic, but I became a workaholic, right.

And there's an aholic in our lives as children of alcoholics.  And I think it's important to see because, um, I have, I have friends and family that, you know, okay, they weren't an alcoholic. They didn't become an alcoholic, but they became a something other a holic  because the alcohol is just an avoidance, right?

So I took mine to the job. And I just worked, worked, worked, worked, worked, worked, worked, worked, worked, worked. And I figured that's, you know, that'll be my alcoholism. Of course, I didn't know it at the time, but, but I think that, um, you know, whether it's, yeah, the alcohol, cause I, you know, I own a winery,  right? 

Uh, so I'm okay with alcohol, but there are places that it finds itself, uh, you know, and, and in my life where it's been, you know, years of this kind of.  Alcohol, uh, holicism, I gotta find the word, uh, holicism, and then addictive personality with fitness, with sugar, with working, oh, yeah, working out with sex with, you know, whatever it is for people with shopping with, you know, whatever it is.

Yeah, podcast guesting  for some of us.  Although I wouldn't see that as that. And now it's different. It's different. I wouldn't see that at all. But yeah, there are other things. No, no doubt.  Right. So you talk about getting this drive to work, you know, you're competing in sports, you're top academics. So that moves us into the high school phase and post high school.

So where does your journey go from there?  Yeah, well, you know, I met my husband in high school. Um, you were known as Danny and Sandy and our close friends still call us that, uh, from the movie Grease because I'm much more prim and proper and he's much not and, and he's into cars and, you know, and all that stuff.

Um, still is. You know, they're just nicer  cars,  but, uh, you know, we,  we, you know, I was doing what I was doing and being, you know, the good girl and, you know, on student council and, you know, everything, right. All these beautiful, great things from the outside. Cause I was very, I had an armor on me and no one could penetrate it.

Like no one would know what was going on behind the scenes with mom and dad. I would just cover that up. He, on the other hand came from, um, um, his parents divorced. And married each other three times. And then had marriages in between mom had a total of seven marriages. So Brian was the oldest of three boys and he became the parent in the, in the, you know, in the whole family, cause his dad was always working to counter court costs.

And his mom was always carousing to find her next husband. And then when she couldn't find one, she would take him back to court. Right. And so it was just like crazy. So it really is a true opposites attract. And as you know, we've been married, it'll be 42 years this year.  And we, um, we've just the opposite attracted, like I wanted some fun and freedom and I didn't want to have to be so perfect because if I was perfect, mom wouldn't yell.

And if I was perfect, dad wouldn't drink because I didn't realize it wasn't my fault that he was drinking. Right? Right. And so if I was perfect, that maybe the household would calm down, but then, you know, but I didn't have any fun, you know, after football games, I would go to, it. Tea toting parties with little sandwiches that were the crust was cut off and he would go to, you know, some rebel rousing thing, you know, in the ditch and bring his, you know, beer bong thing and do don't you were Lady Jen long before and he would do all that.

But there is an element of. That looks like fun, right? But I've never crossed the line, still never have ever crossed the line. But, but it looked like fun and I just was craving some fun and he was craving stability. You know, now he thought there was stability because I had the armor on, but he, you know, he would fight, he wanted that stability.

And, you know, when we finally got together, so we started dating in 10th grade and we were off again and on again, you know, through high school. And, um, you know, we, uh, we finally just. You know, team. In fact, last night he said it to me, you know, I, he said something and he goes, team, Jen team. Um, even down to little things like, you know, can I just, can I have your plate?

You're finished. You know what I got? I can get it. I can get it. There's no team, Jen team. So we really learn to lean on one another and not rely on external. It's, it's us. And I just said, look, I want Christmas without. Alcohol being thrown against a wall or chairs being upturned or the, the Christmas tree being thrown down because they're in a brawl out fight.

And he said, I want that too. And so we created that. We changed the trajectory of what our, um,  our lives would be like and what our kids experienced. I mean, they've, they've not experienced any of that. They haven't had to in, um, yeah, so they try to figure us out though, cause we've got that trauma sometimes, you know,  they try to figure us out. 

So I don't like to expose Mr. Whiskey too much, but I will say a dating story just because of the, of the dynamic with your husband and yourself. When I first got into the military, you know, I was. Not at all, Mr. Whiskey. I was super shy, could not talk to women, you know, very quiet kid, uh, was, you know, faith based, did my thing, and I ended up meeting this woman who was eight years older than me.

She was a single mom, two kids, baby daddy, person multiple personalities, bipolar, stripper, dated military men only who were nuclear operators. Crazy, like, and I was like, that looks fun. Um, so I did, Dabble in that, to put it lightly, uh, for a couple of days, and I realized, you know, we were too morally unaligned to make something work because we didn't want the same things, uh, but I did, I was like, that looks like fun, and I don't want to get too involved, but kind of like, be there, so I, I understand what you're saying.

On the, on the other side, I want to say about the being perfect so that your parents behavior changed. That is something I relate to a lot. Between the time I was junior, senior year, before I shipped out to the military, I used to pray every day for a long time. I had very long conversations with God to let me win the lottery.

Because if I bought my parents a big house and they had everything they wanted, my dad would stop drinking. Mom and dad would stop fighting. Mom would stop being unhappy. I thought they just needed  You know, I didn't realize that it was more than just that it wasn't because we had two homes. We had three cars, like everything, I guess, was fine, but it was them themselves.

But I thought we just need more. We need more. They need more freedom, more money. And it wasn't about that at all. It was about.  A ton of issues both together the both of them and then individually that both of them had to take care of. So,  yeah, I totally understand that. I mean, you as you're talking, those could be my words. 

Right? They could be my words. It's more, more, more. And prove, prove, prove. And, you know, act perfect. Act perfect. And it is so common. Nowadays, more than ever before, you know, we've seen divorce rates are a lot higher. Marriages of convenience, unplanned pregnancy, of financial convenience, of just people who aren't aligned are so much more common nowadays.

And it is truly sad to see, you know, and, and there's. More advice and resources out there on how to get into a good relationship and how to have a healthy relationship and work on yourself There are self improvement podcasts, mental health podcasts, divorce and marriage podcasts But you know the thing that I would say is that people are growing up not knowing about these resources or not having the humility to look into these with Alan Lazarus  Next level university when he came on the show, we talked about, you need to have a certain level of humility to even look into self improvement resources to even, you know, listen to these kinds of conversations that you and I are having right now.

Yeah, yeah,  I totally agree. And, you know, that's why I said, you know, the learn earn return is that, you know, there was this big dip in the Xers, right, where Um, it was me, me, me, me, me, me, and not so much the, because we were just trying to survive, right? And we were, didn't have the coping mechanisms that are available to us now.

And what's sad about it is like all these coping coping mechanisms and support and personal development and growth, they're all available yet. We have more suicide yet. We have more unhappy people and emotionally unintelligent  people  where they're just, you know, their emotions are wackadoo. And it's so, it'll be so interesting to see another 30 years from now, what we call what this is. 

This piece is the Mr. Whiskey era,  if people call it that, but I agree. I've been on shows talking about suicide and children, which for that is classified as ages 10 to about 25 and around 2016 It was around 000 a year. It's now up to over 22, 000 a year, and that's completed suicides with 100 to 200 attempts per each completed suicide.

And, of course, I've had episodes on my show where we analyze social media statistics that, oh, surprisingly or not so surprisingly, are directly correlated in the same kind of, you know, if you plot it on a graph,  the, you know, the launch of Facebook, of Instagram, of TikTok. Yeah, yeah, so maybe too much of it now.

Right. So now it's overloaded. It's now it's comparison. Cause I always say the comparison is the thief of joy. And when people start comparing themselves to me, my experience is 40 years of being in business. And if someone tries to compare themselves to me, it's impossible because you don't know my experiences.

You don't know my trials and tribulations. You don't know the trauma that I brought to it. You don't know what I've overcome. You don't know what I encountered in the work environment during those 40 years. And so you can't compare. Possibly compare, um, where I am to where someone else is right now. And, and we all have that magic fingerprint that's different.

And it's the same thing in this comparison mode as well.  Right, and, you know, to a lot of us listening, it sounds like, Lady Jen, that, you know, we're hearing, you had a bad childhood, but then, you know, post high school was just guesting on every podcast, best selling books, TV shows, but there's a lot behind the scenes that they don't know about, so let's dive a little bit into that, because, I mean, even Modern day there are still struggles that you have to deal with that people don't know about that you're facing every day So what has gone into creating this entire legacy that you've built of podcasts of books of TV? 

Yeah. Well, I stumbled upon it  You know, um, so I have the longest I have three podcasts But I have the longest running podcast in the mortgage space and we just celebrated 14 years in January  Although it might be 12. I can't remember. I cannot remember in that crazy  Last time I met you, you said 14 years.

So we'll stick with that. Yeah. So I'm thinking, we'll just say it's 14, 12 to 14 years, but it's the longest running podcast in that space. And when I started podcasting, you know, I remember even saying to my son, we started his podcast.  Um, he does options training. So his podcast is called option alpha, but we started his, and we made all the mistakes on his.

And then I go, Hey, you know,  Maybe I should do this podcast thing. Maybe I should start this. Um, but really where it started was, uh, you know, going back again to over proving, right. And needing to succeed in everything that I did. Um, I was in the mortgage business for 35 years. I haven't not been in it today.

I'm a coach to, um, all kinds of businesses, including mortgage and real estate, but, um, You know, I had succeeded. I had, you know, that, well, there was a time, there was a moment when I said, I'm done proving and I'm going to start living. And I created, you know, five steps and five principles by which I ran my business so that I could work four days a week.

That was my goal. I just want to work four days a week. And I was very successful in the mortgage business at that time. I was in the top 1%. Um,  But I just want to work four days a week instead of hustling so much, and I wanted to find harmony, right? I wanted to make that shift from hustle to harmony. And, um, you know, I was working, uh, I figured it out, right?

I was working it. And so I started really working and, and I didn't have many mentors that were willing to share. Everybody was coveting their thing. And so I had to really work from the beginning, by the way, the 12 week year is one of one of my strategies that I do once a year. I don't have the wherewithal.

bandwidth desire to do it every single 12 weeks. It's a lot of work, but I put it into play once a year. I still do. And, you know, one day I was at my office and I got this plaque in the mail, you know, this box and I started opening up and. Oh, my gosh, it's a plaque that says top 200 loan officers in the U.

S. And at that time we had, I think, 785, 000 loan officers. So think about that. Top 200. I had no idea because I was so focused on give me a life. I want a life. I don't want the hustle. How can I find harmony? I've got to. Eliminate some people because they're not needed, they're not necessary. Trim the fat, you know, and stop the activities for the sake of it.

I call that eating soup with a fork.  I'll let that settle in.  And so many business owners do that. Right. And people do that. But, and then I started going down the list cause I'm so competitive, right? So I'm like, I'm not one, I'm not two. And I'm going down the list to go to the list. Like, where am I? Am I really on this list?

Did they make a mistake? And there I was at 178. And of course that wasn't good enough, you know, but.  It was fine.  Um, but that's when I started getting phone calls from everybody all over the U. S. saying, you know, how did you do it? Can you, can I pick your brain? Would you speak on this? Would you speak on that?

And I'd already been, uh, training, uh, real estate agents, you know, because I was a loan officer. I wasn't training loan officers or coaching them, but, uh, I said, yeah, well, I started.  It was kind of cool because, you know, I was getting a little fix, you know, every once in a while, I got to fly someplace and an experience and share my story.

But then after a while, it's like, I don't have, I don't have the personal bandwidth or infinite time to be answering everybody's questions. So I said. All right. So there's this thing called the podcast. Let me try it. And that's what I did is I started answering questions. Well, then that blossomed into its own thing for coaching, yada, yada, yada.

And it got to the point where I was trying to, I don't believe in balance. By the way, I don't believe in work life balance. I think it's integration, but I was balancing lending this trajectory I had as a speaker and an author and a podcaster. And I had to make a decision because I was back in the same place.

I was in the hustle.  And I was like, okay, I got to do one or the other. And I thought, okay, 15 more years of lending and hustle. And even though it was in harmony, it was still hustle. Or do I go to this and, you know, make a difference, make an impact in the world. So I made that shift. And then I had the wonderful privilege of being able to speak on, um,  Les Brown's faculty.

And, you know, it was all exciting that she has a podcast. And then, and I'd say it's mortgage lending mastery and people go, Ooh, you know, cause not everybody's in the business. So I started success to significance life after breaking through glass ceilings, which is really that story I just told you.  And then I just started, um, In November, business on the vine, where we're going to vineyards and we're learning from each other about business.

We're hearing it through the grapevine and planting seeds and harvesting ideas and sharing successes and this, that and the other. And that's how it just kind of happened. And then along the way, everyone said, well, you know, you got to have a book on each one of your expertises. I'm like, Oh, great. So I wrote books, but then they became great.

So that was fun. And then someone said, I need to have a TV show. And I'm like, okay.  I guess I need to do that too. So this is all just been very organic. It wasn't planned. It, none of it was planned. It's just organic. What's happened.  Yeah. And the thing is, is also  when you started was, you know, kind of prior to the podcasting era.

I mean, podcasting has really, you know, blown up in the past couple of years, but you're talking about 12, 14 years ago. That was like, like you said, there's this thing called the podcast. You know, that's exactly how it was. You know, I remember definitely a veteran in podcasting. I think it's been around for like 17 years.

So I got in about three years in.  Yeah. Right. And, you know, talking, speaking about your, your podcasts, I know you had on episode seven of your, of your podcast business on the vine, you had a good friend of mine, we saw him in the photos for the introduction to this episode. Hirsch also known as Mr. Martini, uh, cause we were at the bar one time and.

These ladies started talking to us and they're like, you're Mr. Whiskey. Who is he? And he goes, I'm Mr. Martini. So that's great. Cause you were at alchemy. Yeah, we were at alchemy. We were waiting for you and lady Jane. That's exactly right.  That's my favorite. Yeah. So I drink, I drink champagne and alchemy, alchemy.

So we did something on the podcast recently. Um, or on the, uh, the cruise called, uh, Champagne and Cash.  Okay. Yeah, and so we, everybody would mean we'd have Champagne and Cash at Alchemy while they're having martinis. We would be having Champagne.  Yeah, yeah. And speaking of Champagne, shameless plug, if you check out my website, I have a gala I'm hosting in 2025 where we will be serving Champagne, because I think that's most appropriate for, uh, A gala.

You won't catch beer at my gala. Yeah, you might, but it'll be those 16 beers, you know? So, but yeah, so, Lady Jen, you've talked about, you know, all this. I mean, the books, the TV shows, and the podcasts. Guesting on so many podcasts. Do you feel like you've found that harmony? Or are you still chasing after that?

No, Oh, God. No, I definitely have harmony. Um, you know, I've already created my empire through mortgage lending through real estate development. I mean, not development, but ownership. Um, you know, in the investments that we do, uh, you know, so I didn't waste my money. I invested it back into the product I was selling, which was real estate, right?

Um, through mortgages, right? And so, um, no, I'm, I'm way beyond that now. Uh, you know, I'm very much someone who works four days a week and sometimes three. I have several businesses and I dedicate one day a week to those businesses. I dedicate one or two days a week to podcasting, even for my side. I compartmentalize that. 

And then I don't do any podcasting for months on my shows.  So I, I try to, I don't try to, I compartmentalize everything that I do. It's how I'm able to have, you know, three businesses that are earning six plus and one seven figures. Um, but I am not in the hustle. I am all about family. I am all about travel.

I'm all about going up to the vineyard and sampling right in the vats and the barrels and making sure everything looks good. Um, and you know, for me, uh, you know, my life is. Actually pretty boring. It's pretty boring. It's just I have little shots of things that I do. And, you know, for, for you listening, you know, it's not about time management.

It's about priority management. So I have my priorities that I manage and I get them done. And then I go on to other priorities that I have. And, and, um, I don't chase anymore. It's not chasing. Um, it's attracting and I have a handful of clients that I want to have, and it's pretty expensive, but, um, they get the time and attention that they need.

I'm not tied to my computer all day long, like most entrepreneurs are so now I'm way past that. Now I have so much more control over what I want to accomplish on a daily and weekly, monthly and annual basis than I ever, ever had before. I  feel a little called out there. I do spend 18 to 20 hours on my computer sometimes, uh, preferably, preferably I try not to, uh, preferably I like to sleep, but I am, you know, year one officially.

So I will, I will get to where you're at. But as far as the vineyard, I'm curious.  I believe you mentioned this. Do you yourself go out and stomp the grapes sometimes?  Well, we do when I have masterminds.  Yes. When I have a mastermind. So I do, uh, four, um, mastermind retreats a year. I mean, I definitely do speaking all over the country on stage and stuff, but, um, and then summits and webinars and podcasting, right.

But. I have these four mastermind retreats that I have every year. We have one coming up in March here in Virginia. Um, ironically, they're not always here. Last one was in Acapulco. Um, but you know, and they're business centric it's for business owners. And, uh, you know, they're experiential. And when we have them in this area in the fall, I can't do grape stomping in the spring  because all the grapes are in vats now.

Right. Right. But we definitely do grape stomping and it's, it's just a really cool experience. It's gooey and gushy and surprising. And it's so fun. Um, yeah, we have a lot of fun doing that.  Right. And so the biggest thing I want to focus on now is we've heard about. Your trials and tribulations and we've heard a lot about your success and sure, we have a lot of people listening who are saying, well, Lady Jen, you know, you got lucky with the timing or that, you know, if you didn't hit this one thing off, right, then none of this would follow.

I mean, what would you say to those people who are having doubts that anyone could do what you've done that it can be recreated?  Yeah, I mean, you know, we've read this in books before you've heard these kind of quotes before is that, you know, opportunity, you know, luck is where opportunity and preparation meet, you know, and, uh, you know, there's, there's five things that I live by, and I'll just kind of throw them out.

I'm not going to go into detail, but just number one is clarity. Right. I didn't have clarity and I had to get clarity. So you've got to get clarity. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? Who do you want to be? You've got to get clarity. And in business, so often we're trying to sell everything to everyone and we're selling absolutely nothing to no one because it's just too broad.

Right. So I love when I heard this and I heard it a thousand times. Well, maybe not a thousand. I heard it 400 times on this cruise that I was just on. When everyone did their 30 second speech and they say, I help people, I help business businesses, you know, grow or whatever the case may be. Well, what kind of business?

New businesses, old businesses, starting out businesses, what kind of people, young people, old people, we have to be specific. So number one is get clear on who you're serving. And then you're not having to serve everybody else. And you get your time back because now you don't need to worry about everybody else. 

Number two is credibility. You've got to level up your credibility. You've got to get certifications. You have to be the expert in your arena. When people come to me and they say, I'm a business coach. I said, no way you're the.  Something business coach, you have to be the Michael Jordan, right? You can't just be a coach, a business owner, a podcaster.

You have to be the best, the best of the best. In fact, my retreat is called Elite Business Success. Mastermind and retreat for that very reason, elevating yourself out to be the best of the best to have the best character to be distinguished and an expert in your world, right? That's that's how you differentiate yourself.

Um,  and, uh, next is community. You've got to have a community can't do it alone.  And, you know, having one to ones with people where you're trying to sell them, it's a 50 50 shot. You're either going to get them or not get them. And I'll tell you, if someone wants a one to one with me and they start pitching, I'm done  because there's so much more that can be done through an opportunity.

When you collaborate opportunities abound, not just I'll lead several, not just a referral, several, not just stages, several, not just podcasts, several.  Not, not just one sale, but several opportunities. So you've got to surround yourself with your community and all those people. I don't care how big your database is, has no relevance whatsoever, because if you're not, you're just talking at them and not cultivating a deep, deep, deep, uh, richer relationship with them, then it doesn't matter how many you have.

I've learned that, um, you know, less is more.  Absolutely. I created a billion dollar business. Right. A billion dollar lending business working with 22 people.  That's it. I had a database and others trickled in, but my focus was on 22 people.  And that's what we have to do in our community. Next is communication.

You've got to have a system for everything to follow through because it does no good. You and I were just talking does no good to go on a big cruise with 477 people. If you're not going to do any follow through, it does no good to have a podcast. If you're not going to have a relationship with someone that you're having a podcast with, um, and find out what opportunities are there.

It does no good, right? You're wasting your time and see, this is how I find all my time. I only work with people that compliment, not complicate.  And then last but not least. And by the way, those, those systems have to be efficient and effective. They can't just be efficient. It can't just be effective and kill you financially or any other way.

You've got to be both. And then the last one is continuity. And I don't use the word consistency because if you look up the words, they are different. Continuity is working with a mentor. Helping you get there, having someone hold you accountable, being part of an advisory board, masterminds. All of those five things is what I deployed to create my billion dollar business, to create that plaque that I got.

And it's everything that I deploy today. And everything that I coach my clients on.  Um, every one of those. Um, so there you go. That was a long answer to a very short question, but, uh, you know, I think it's important for people to know that, you know, this isn't luck. Um, and I said, it just kind of happened, but it happened because I was prepared. 

I completely agree. In fact, I appreciate greatly going into that much detail and I want to bring up an acronym that a lot of people have heard in high school or college. It's pretty common. I'm not saying I'm promoting it as something that's great, but it's called smart goals and specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time bound.

That first Letter that first word is specific, which is exactly what you were saying. And I think that is so important, but I want to go back to something you said, collaboration versus pitching. And you've caught me on that day, which is the day after I was just.  You know, outside of work, talking to a coworker, Amanda Russo, the breathing goddess about  a pet peeve of mine, which is if you are guesting on my show or any show, and this is for anyone who is any entrepreneur, any business, any product. 

I am not your consumer. I am not your customer. I am collaborating with you. I am hosting you on my space and giving you access to my audience. You know that I have built up an authority with and trust  and I, I don't care if you're a podcast coach, a business coach, if it's a product, you know, I have had people on my show who have tried to pitch to me afterward, whether it's post recording or a few days on social media.

Following up, trying to be my personal trainer, trying to be a podcast coach, a business coach, or, or sell me this product, and collaboration and pitching are two different things. I said, I am not your consumer. Just like I would never go on a show and pitch something to someone. I will offer up resources that I use, and if I'm an affiliate or not, you know, If it's something that I think will be extremely useful and valuable to you to help grow your business or product as well as help me out, then that's a different story.

But it is such a pet peeve of mine when people come and try to pitch to me on my show. I am not your consumer. And so you, you mentioned that and, and it just,  I was just talking about that yesterday, you know, because even like these conferences, Amanda Russo was sharing about how she went to a specific conference for health and wellness and this person came up and tried.

Selling her a product rather than, you know, saying, Hey, I want to have this product and promote it on your podcast. But also you definitely should do a here's why and trying to pitch it, you know, that that's.  We're here to collaborate, not sell to each other. Right. I mean, the point of being a business owner isn't to sell to all your coworkers, you know, it's to sell to a consumer base and give back that value to people who don't have access to it in the same way as your coworkers do.

I mean, there's some, it's so loaded because, you know, um, networking, you know, people are like, this is, I, I hate hearing this. Um, I went networking and I didn't, I stopped going networking there because I didn't get any business. Well, you don't network to get business. You network to identify potential partners who can get you 10 X business.

Right, exactly. You know, and I used to use this example, I'm going to share it with you because I haven't heard this a long time because I haven't actually said it in a long time, but you, you said it. Um, I used to go to these, you know, networking things locally. My, my husband's at one of them right now and I'm like, don't let anybody pick you.

Um, but it, you know, but we used to have these Mary Kay consultants come and they go, do you want to have a party? You want to have a party? Oh, I like your makeup. What kind do you use? Oh, I sell Mary Kay. Do you want to have a party? Do you want to have a party? Could you imagine? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As a loan officer, a mortgage loan officer.

If I came up and said, um, Hey, so what's your credit score? Let's look at your credit. Can I get my, your social security number? Can I have your date of birth? I want to give you a mortgage. Can we get, let's do a mortgage. Come on, let's do a mortgage. That's ridiculous. And yet that's exactly what happens.

And so what we do when we don't want to feel. Pitchy or salesy is that we retract all the way back to the other. And we say we help people.  And we help businesses and then we don't get the results either because now we're the we've swung the pendulum were so bipolar in our business. It's hilarious. You know, we swung the pendulum the other way where people are like, I have no clue what they do.

I don't even know what they do right now. We still don't get business. So there's a very happy medium,  you know, of understanding who we are, right. Not what we do, you know, the no like and trust. We don't want them to know what we do. We want, we need them to know who we are. Then they can like us and then they can trust us.

And then they will refer us. And so that's your option. And then furthermore, you know, as a podcaster, you get it. I get it. Constant emails every single day. Oh, this person would be great on your show. They have a new product. Delete. I just cleared out 900 emails yesterday. Yeah, and I, you, as soon as you say they have a product that they, you know, would like, no, can't be on my show.

Um, unless you want to pay to be on my show and then you can be an advertiser.  Absolutely.  If you want to advertise. Come on in. But mine's about content and connection and growth and scaling and personal development rights, like all these things. And for you to come and pitch a product is not going to work.

Let's educate people. And then if you have a product, they can reach out to you.  Right. In fact, by the time this episode airs, I will have already spoken at the Global Society for Female Entrepreneurs about I'll talk about how business owners should use podcast guesting to put their story out there. And one of the things I talk about is conscious consumerism, especially, you know, millennials and Gen Z onward, you know, are Even more particular about not caring what a product or a business is, what they do, the service itself, but who is running it, why are they doing what they do, you know, what is the purpose in that story?

So that conscious consumerism goes into everything that we're talking about, including your pitch. And I totally agree, like, even that some of these health networking events, I've had people, you know, like, how often do you sleep? What do you eat? You know, how often do you have sex? Like these again, like you said, those questions are being about your makeup, you know?

Definitely have seen it, and like you said, um, it's not going there to get a, a, a client base and to increase your, you know, consumers is to grow your business, the other aspects of your business that then attract those consumers. So yeah, that's the community, right? The community or your bird dogs. It's exhausting to be your own bird dog.

You just can't do it. I mean, you know, it's exhausting to chase and chase and chase. And then you become a skunk. You know, I've got all these little categories for, for networking. You're a skunk. You're the one who, you know, you walk in the room and people are like, Oh God, here they come. Everybody pretend like, you know, right.

And you don't want to be a skunk. You want to be a spider. You want to design and create this beautiful web that attracts people, right. That you can bring into your world. And definitely want to be a skunk and I've got like seven other categories of S's too. It's hilarious, but  I can pinpoint someone a mile away and that's why I'm so much of an observer.

You know, that's the introvert part of me. It's like, Oh, there's a skunk. There's a sloth.  There's a squirrel. I just want to say, I know I'm wearing black and white. You know, I'm not, I, I'm not a pitcher at all, you know, um, but yeah, I, I totally agree. It's so important to observe and kind of, you know, take the backseat and listen in.

And I've met a lot of people who are really good at that. And then some people who are not so great at that, uh, throughout my networking experience. I'm also a chatterbox, so I'm on that side of more talking, but I don't, I don't have a product or a business that I sell. I just say, Hey, if you want to, you know, share your story on my podcast, I'm here as a resource for you.

So I totally get that. So what is the future looking like? You know, we've talked a lot about the past and the present, you know, from books to podcasts to TV shows. What is the future looking like? You know, you've gotten to that. Armini and just looking to, you know, further that as much as you can while giving back as much as you can.

You're in that return phase of your life and business. So what is that looking like? Yeah. Um, well for us, it's it again this year for 2025, um, my focus is streamlining everything and anything that I possibly can. I'm streamlining and, and condensing, uh, making more efficient everything that I do. So I'm not condensing and, and Lowering my activities.

I'm not reducing, but I, I don't, uh, you know, I don't have a financial goal this year at all. I have a goal to achieve the things I want to achieve. So I'm, I'm streamlining. So I'm, Part of that is, um, you know, killing it with the mastermind retreats, uh, doing more traveling. Brandon and I, you know, I've done quite a bit of traveling.

We're about ready to go on. Well, we have four cruises this year. I just got back from one a couple of days ago, right? A couple of days ago, I got back from one and I got back from one with you in November, early part of November. And, um, yeah, and then I'm going on another one in March and then my husband and I going over to Europe, uh, for another in, um, July, we're going to Hawaii in June with our kids.

Um, I'm going on the podcaster's cruise later on, and now I'm going to a gala, right? I'm so excited. But I mean, and I have a lot of investitures going on with the knighting, uh, you know, with the royal order. We have a lot of that, but Brian and I are just, you know, all about traveling because I can work anywhere.

We don't have to be attached to anything. So the more I can streamline, the more freedom I have. Uh, to not have to be anywhere that I don't want to be. Um, I can carry my phone with me and be on a podcast and I'm okay with that. Um, and you know, for us, that's what, that's what we're doing is just continuing to make an impact, be significant, spend time with our families, spend time with each other, uh, continue to be an influencer so that people don't have to go through 25 years of hell that I went through, um, to try to succeed.

If I can condense that into a couple of years, I want to be able to do that for people. So, um, everything's about streamlining for me. Make it, keep it simple, stupid, right? The kiss process,  streamline, condense, be effective and efficient at the same time. And I love AI because it's starting to do that for me.

Not all those hours of me and my assistant, right? Having to work and we can just pop stuff out really quickly. Um, yeah, so that's what it's about. Just continuing to spread the word about, you know, moving from hustle to harmony.  Right. And if you're living in Virginia, we got to get you a cowgirl hat for the next time we meet.

So then when we record, I already have cowgirl hats. I told you that I already, I have boots that just sit and I've they've been seeing it right now in the present, you know?  So, but we'll definitely do some, some live recording and more photos next time I see you on the cruise or if I end up seeing it before then, but as we wrap up today's episode.

You've already given us a ton of great advice that people can implement starting today. What would be your final message for this episode in particular to leave everyone with to reflect on?  Yeah, so I always end everything with a quote, okay? A quote that my mom gave me. And it actually, I, one day I'm going to figure out who it is and memorize her name.

I'll put a sticky on here so I give her the due credit. But it's actually, I found out it's a, um, a quote. Uh, it's a, Um, an Irish quote, so you'll hear kind of an Irish thing in it, but it's those, uh, we flatter those we scarcely know. We please the fleeting guests, but we deal many a thoughtless blow to those we love the best,  including  our business, right?

If we were just as good to ourselves as we are to this cockamamie business, we're trying to grow.  Life would be so much better, and I'm always reminded that is we don't want to be pleasing the pleading the fleeting guests and be nice to everybody and then hang up this call and then scream at my husband, right?

That's not the life. We want to want to be nice to everybody. And we don't want to be like that on the surface where, Oh, my business is grandioso, but behind the scenes, that's the part I'm talking about behind the scenes, you know, we're, we're struggling and we don't, we're not authentic enough. We're not, um, humble enough.

We're not, uh, comfortable enough to say that we need help.  Um, so be as good to your business as you are. Yeah, I mean, be as good to yourself as you are to your business. Your business will grow faster. It'll multiply in record time when you seek out guidance and help from other people instead of coveting that.

Um, so  we flatter those. We scarcely know we please those fleeting guests, but we deal so many thoughtless blow to those. We love the best, including ourselves.  So  cease and desist on that.  Wow. Yeah. So ladies and gentlemen, if you want more of lady Jen, in which there is plenty of her out there between podcasts, books, and TV shows, we're going to have all that disc, all that information in the description below.

For you to easily access and lady, Jen, I just want to thank you for coming on the show and sharing your time and you know, all your valuable information with my listeners. And I appreciate just catching up with you. It's, it's fun to be able to do that, to record with people you mentioned in the beginning of the episode, we don't really have time for people who don't actually follow up from whether it's a cruise or a networking event, you know, locally or wherever it may be.

There are plenty of people who say, you know, yes, yes, yes. And then, uh, you send them a calendar link, you send them an email, a text message, a follow up, and they're not on the show. So I appreciate you being one of those few people that I have met who has followed up and appeared on the show. Thank you.

Thank you so much for having me. It was so fun. Thank you so much. And congratulations. You're, you're in, you're in and that's pinnacle.  Thank you.