Hope After Injury: A Quadriplegic’s Unstoppable Pursuit of Success

Today, I'm conversing with with Ken Kunken, a man whose life was forever changed in an instant. At just 20 years old, Mr. Kunken suffered a devastating spinal cord injury during a football game, leaving him as a quadriplegic. Facing unimaginable challenges, he battled through the physical, mental, and emotional toll of his condition. 

Mr. Kunken shares how he felt that he had little guidance or hope provided to him by other disabled individuals or medical staff. However, he also shares about how the unwavering support of his family, a few key mentors, and his own resilience helped him defy expectations.  He details his return to higher education just days after his hospital discharge, his groundbreaking career in law, and his unexpected journey into marriage and fatherhood—raising triplets despite his disability.

Beyond his personal triumphs, Mr. Kunken is now dedicated to uplifting others. As an advocate, author, and board member of the Viscardi Center, he works to provide employment opportunities for individuals with disabilities, as well as hope for them. Tune in to hear his insights on perseverance, the importance of community support, and his book I Dream of Things That Never Were, a testament to turning adversity into purpose.

https://www.amazon.com/Dream-Things-Never-Kunken-Story/dp/1946074411

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Transcript

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of Couple of Nukes. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey. And if you've never looked at the logo for my show, it's a picture of me sitting with a thought bubble. And in that thought bubble, it says, Rebuilding our broken dreams and rebranding our lives.

Oftentimes, we have setbacks in life that can completely alter the course of our life, whether that's our dreams and goals or our physical health or mental health or family situation. It could be a number of things. Life is always just changing instantly. And today we are here with a man whose life changed very drastically, a single moment that changed the entire course of his life in a way that Many people would agree is is very difficult a way that is a completely new style of living and with that comes Almost a sense of hopelessness, but we're here today to talk about how there is hope there is work that can be done Mentally physically socially that can continuously improve your life to live it to its max extent Within whatever limitations you may be facing given whatever situation it is.

So mr. Ken Ken, we are here to talk about your story of how your life was drastically changed into a way that many would find very negative, very hopeless, but you persevered through that and now empower others to do the same. So could you please introduce yourself for us? Sure. Thank you for having me as a guest as well.

Hi, my name is Ken Kunkin, and I think what may be most relevant to your podcast  is to talk about what the data changed my life. Um, on October 31st, 1970, I was 20 years old, I was in my junior year at Cornell University, and I was playing on their lightweight football team,  and,  excuse me, ahem, I made a tackle on a kickoff, and when I tackled the ball carrier, I broke my neck and severely damaged my spinal cord.

And as a result, I'm a quadriplegic, I'm almost totally paralyzed, I have a little bit of movement in my left arm, but nothing in my fingers or wrist. And on the right side of my body, I can just sort of shrug my shoulder a bit.  So, as a result of my injury, I spent the next 9 months and 20 days in various hospitals and rehabilitation centers. 

Right. And with that comes a lot of mental health struggles. So can you kind of talk us through what emotions were running through your head as you went through that process for nine months?  Well, it was devastating. I mean, for one, I, at the time I was virtually totally paralyzed and nobody was really telling me the extent of my injury, the doctors seem to be skirting around the issue and the nurses, the therapists.

My family, very few people were telling me exactly what happened. I knew that I had broken my neck, that I had learned, but I didn't know anything about a spinal cord injury or what the ramifications were. And it was obviously a very frightening experience because here I was, lying totally helpless, now in a hospital with All sorts of, uh,  tubes sticking out of me and nurses running in and out of the room.

I was in the intensive care unit and I really didn't know what was happening. Um, and I didn't know how long I would be in this condition. I mean, nobody was telling me that I was going to improve. So I just thought when they fixed my broken neck,  uh, that I would be back up on my feet.  So it was a long, long process where I was gradually learning, no, this is going to be a permanent condition. 

Right. So what really got you through such a dark time in your life where there was so much confusion? There was, you know, this  fact, this realization that life is going to be forever different. And in a lot of cases like that, people don't even want to live life anymore. You know, how did you deal with all of that?

Well, I was very fortunate that I had a very supportive family. I mean, my family was with me every step of the way. And by family, I mean extended family as well. I mean, I've got a brother, a sister, my father, but I'm talking about aunts, uncles, cousins. Um, virtually everybody was banding together to try and help me both physically and emotionally to keep my spirits up.

And people were encouraging me that You know, while I did have a serious physical injury, I still had my mind, and I could try and make the most of my mental abilities, and hopefully one day go back to school and make something of my life.  Right, so really leaning into that support system, whether that's family or friends or whatever semblance of community that you have, leaning onto them for support, and would you say that there was anything that they did or tried to say that kind of just, made it worse for you or that kind of just like annoyed you like certain types of encouragement or Conversations that loved ones of people who are going through something like this should avoid. 

Well, you know I I really wanted to know what was happening in my life And I felt like nobody was being upfront and telling me and I know it's a very difficult thing to tell somebody About you having a spinal cord injury and your condition may not improve ever and that you would be in this Um, basically condition where you are totally dependent on others.

And I wanted to know more about my condition, and what I could expect, and what was going to happen to me.  And I know the moment I was injured, it may have been too soon for everybody to tell me all the ramifications. But over the period of time that I was in the hospital, I thought I should have learned more about what my condition was.

And while I was in the rehab center, I got to meet a number of other people who had spinal cord injuries. And they didn't seem to be doing much with their lives. So it was very depressing, because very few people were giving me any encouragement that there was still something I could do to lead a useful, productive, rewarding, and happy life.

And it was incredibly frustrating because for one, not being told about all the ramifications, but two, the expectations were so low. Nobody seemed to be giving me much hope, whether I'm talking about medical personnel, that I'd ever be able to do something productive. And my fellow patients, unfortunately, We're not doing much with their lives, and I think that was as a result of nobody encouraging them to do more with their lives or telling them that there was still a lot they could do. 

Excuse me, can you swipe my nose, please?  Right, so you see a lot of people kind of falling into this. Most just rotting away because they were encouraged that there was still so much they could do. You know, they were so focused on what they couldn't do rather than what they could do. And so it. influences one another, you know, when y'all are in the same situation and seeing.

What happens? And that's true anywhere, especially I know in the military, you know, if one person's morale goes down and then people start, you know, absorbing the energy and then it all goes down just it's why an inspiring leader who gives a really good speech and can really raise morale can get, you know, a whole platoon going or same for any situation, whether that's a group of medical people or even within a face faith based community where it's a community.

people are having doubts about God or the world or anywhere online. So not just having a community, but having one that is encouraging and focusing on, you know, that more positive side. And, you know, it's very difficult, especially As the person going through the incident to focus on those positives because right now you're just thinking of everything you can't do, you can't do, and a lot of times the doctors and the nurses, I mean, their job is to tell you what you can no longer do or what they can't do, but I've had a couple episodes about why human connection matters in medicine.

And one of the things we emphasize firstly is the honesty, you know, not sugarcoating it, you know, presenting it nicely and focusing on the more positive points. While still being, you know, honest about the medical situation and, you know, the limitations, but again, focusing on those positive points, which I'd like to shift to now, you talked about wanting to go back to school.

I know personally from reading through your bio, you did more than just that. You've done very well academically and achieved a lot. So I'd love for you to shift into that part of the conversation with what happened post incident.  Okay. Well, again, the medical personnel seem to be given me very little hope.

that there was something I could still do with my life. And I was fortunate that I had, um, one counselor, vocational counselor, at the rehab center, who encouraged me to try and do something with my mind, and to go back to school and make something of my life. I also had a, one nurse, that was very influential as well.

Her name was Barbara, and she did everything she could to try and make me not only more physically comfortable, But to encourage me that there were still things I could do with my life. So with the encouragement of those two individuals, and of course my family, I realized that if I were to have any chance of making something of my life, I had to make the most of my mental abilities.

So I knew I needed to go back to school. So just 11 days after I was finally discharged from the hospital, I traveled 250 miles away from my home and family and with the aid of a personal care attendant that I had met just once before, I returned to the campus of Cornell University in upstate Ithaca, New York, and I resumed my studies in industrial engineering. 

Wow,  that, that is amazing. Not just that you did that, but so soon after discharge. And I think, you know, that really goes into the, you know, the age old concept and saying that, you know, the less you do, the less you want to do, the more you do, the more you want to do. And when you give time for that hopelessness to sink in, you know, as you continue to not do anything, you're gonna get into that habit and pattern and routine of just saying, this is my life now, I can't do anything.

Whereas,  You know, you got the ball rolling, so to speak, right? And especially when you're in a rehab facility where you're surrounded by other patients who did not seem to be doing much with their lives, who had been injured far longer than I was. So it was very depressing and at the time of my injury I had the added misfortune of being injured 20 years before the Americans with Disabilities Act took effect So there weren't many facilities outside the hospital that were accessible to somebody in a wheelchair So as a result, I did not see many people outside the hospital who used wheelchairs who seemed to be taking part in any sort of activities, uh, which was very discouraging.

I mean, at the time of my injury, I didn't have any role models that I could turn to to look for encouragement. I mean, there may have been people out there, but I did not know of them. I mean, many years after I was hurt, unfortunately, Christopher Reeve had his injury. And he was a tremendous role model for so many people as to what you can still do with your life.

Um, and I felt horrible when Christopher Reeve was hurt.  But unfortunately, before his injury, there weren't many role models that somebody in a wheelchair could look to and say, you know, there's still something I could do with my life to be productive and to lead a happy life.  Right. So you talk about this lack of leaders showing what you can do with a disability.

Would you say that's part of why you're doing what you're doing today is to just reach as many people as you can and be that person that you wish you had?  Absolutely. I mean, I, I've had a number of people turn to me and say that they've been both motivated and inspired, but what I've been able to do with my life, and that's helped them to be able to lead a more productive life and encourage them to do more.

And that, of course, makes me feel great. Um, I was given the opportunity, uh, many years after I was hurt, Um, to work at a job, and I met many people there who tried to help people with disabilities do more with their lives. And that's encouraged me now to go out and help others to do more.  Right, and I want to bring it up and pivot to one of the ways besides podcast guesting that you're doing that, which is your book, I Dream of Things That Never Were, and it's about your story.

So would you say that book is supposed to serve as a beacon of hope for individuals with disabilities? I hope so. I hope so because, you know, I described what I went through and how I was at the lowest point of my life that I believe anybody could be at. I mean, you talk about helping people who, you know, were thinking about ending their lives.

I didn't have the opportunity to even do that. Because I did not have the physical capabilities of even taking that step. And it was so incredibly frustrating how depressed I was, and there didn't seem to be any way out of that depression.  And I know that I was fortunate to have all the help and support I had for my family and friends.

And I hope that by people reading my book, And hearing my story can hear that I was in about a lower place as you could be and through people's help and support, I was able to rise above it, go out, continue my education, work at a job, start a family. And be able to now lead a very useful and happy life. 

One of the things I want to focus on too is, you know, you've mentioned support and leaning into that a lot. I know there's a lot of people out there who get into a situation or incident and they don't have any support. And I think the beauty of podcast conversations like these and books like yours for that, they serve as a, as a substitute in a fill in for that support and community so that people can listen to people who have been through a similar situation, whether it's podcasts like this or reading your book and feel that support through that.

So I think it's really awesome that technology and literature has allowed us to be a supporting community to those who don't have that.  It makes a big difference. It makes a really big difference, and I think it helps people to know that not only are there people behind you that will help you, hopefully every step of the way, but that it's been done before, you know, and that if somebody else did it, that means it's not impossible, that you can do it as well, and I think it makes a big difference. 

And for your book, would you say it's also a guidebook for the loved ones of people with a disability? Does it kind of open up the perspective to help them understand what they can do better to help support their loved one? I hope so. That was part of the reason why I wrote the book, to help one, the person going through, you know, an injury such as mine or facing any sort of serious challenges in their lives.

But also I wanted people to know how helpful, supportive, encouraging, uh, and the difference that it made in my life to have those type of people in my life.  me do what I was eventually able to do. I mean, my family basically encouraged me by telling me they'll act as my arms and legs if need be to make sure I could still do everything I wanted to do in my life.

And they did just that. And it made a tremendous difference. And I hope it encourages other family members and other caregivers.  To know what a difference they make in people's lives.  For sure, and one thing I want to address, which I feel like doesn't get brought up as much is, you know, the romantic life and relationship aspect of all of this.

You know, can you speak on how I feel like a lot of people who go through an incident like this, to any degree of disability, you know, it really, messes with their self esteem, they feel like a burden that they, you know, will never be loved or can never be loved. Can you kind of talk about that, if that is something you dealt with?

And I know you mentioned you're, you're a father and a husband, so.  How do you go about finding love when you're in this kind of situation?  You know, it's certainly very challenging, but something that every young person still thinks about. And, you know, when I was injured, um, it really totally changed my body, my body image of myself.

I had always thought of myself as an athlete, somebody who was in very good shape. And I worked hard to make sure I was in good shape. And that gave me a little bit of confidence when I would approach a woman to know that I looked good, you know. And suddenly I'm in a position where I'm not in good physical shape.

I did not like the way I looked when I looked in a mirror. And here I was trying to still continue to do what I was doing before my injury. And I tried to do as many activities that I did before I was hurt. As I was doing after such as going back to school and going out with friends and one of those activities was dating  and, you know, as you might imagine, uh, dating when you're a quadriplegic.

And trying to impress a woman when you're almost totally paralyzed poses its own unique set of challenges. But I was fortunate that I met a number of women who, they showed interest in me. They made the first move, they asked me out, or showed that they were interested enough to spend a lot of time with me.

And that gave me a lot of encouragement.  And I was fortunate that over the years I went out with some terrific women  and as it turned out when I was in my 50s, I was actually looking for a caregiver to help me on weekends and a woman named Ana, who's actually sitting next to me now just off the camera, um, answered my ad to help me on weekends and the more Ana and I got to know each other, The more our relationship developed,  and finally it developed into a romantic relationship.

So much so, that in 2003, Ana and I were married. Now, at that time, I had been paralyzed for more than 50 years. Well, excuse me, I had been paralyzed for more than 30 years, and I was already in my 50s. And Ana really surprised me by saying she wanted to have my baby. Now, this seemed impossible. I mean, I've been paralyzed for more than 30 years.

But, we looked into various options, including in vitro fertilization. And we're very excited to learn it still may be possible for someone in my condition. So, through Ana's encouragement, we pursued it.  And, through the grace of God, we were fortunate that Ana became pregnant.  And,  on January 24th,  Uh, 2005, in fact, in two days, it'll be 20 years,  in two days, it'll be 20 years that I was present with Anna in the delivery room when my wife gave birth to triplets. 

We had three incredible boys, Joseph, James, and Timothy, they're now sophomores at three different colleges in upstate New York. So I've been a father now for 20 years. And I couldn't be happier to have the children that I have.  And the best part about that is that that is proof right there that you can not.

Only just be a, a husband or a, a wife or a partner as someone dealing with disabilities. But you can also be a parent, a, a parent of, of multiple children, which, I mean, raising one kid is hard enough and you had in triplets, that's gotta be a, a challenge of its own. And, and so it really is. Yeah. And it's, it's the most wonderful challenge I've ever had to face in my life.

It brings so much joy each and every day. to be able to see my boys and see how well they're doing. And I might, you know, go back a little bit in my life to say that one of the things that gave me the confidence to later marry my wife was the fact that I was given the opportunity to also work and earn money for myself. 

And for many people with disabilities,  excuse me, that's very difficult. Because many people don't want to give them that opportunity. I was fortunate to be given that opportunity. First, working at a facility dedicated to helping people with disabilities called Abilities Incorporated, which is part of what's now called the Viscardi Center, after its founder, Dr.

Henry Viscardi, Jr. They're located on Long Island, and when nobody else wanted to hire me, they gave me that opportunity.  And thanks to them,  I felt that I was now in a position where I could help others, and it improved my self esteem and my self confidence. I later left that facility to go to law school, and after graduating from law school,  excuse me, I went to work as an assistant district attorney here on Long Island, where I worked for more than 40 years. 

And as a result of those experiences, it gave me so much added confidence. That I was able to go out and  marry my wife,  get married and become a father, and feel very confident and good about doing that. It makes a tremendous difference.  Right, so I would say, like we've talked about with a number of different situations on the show.

Not letting your past or your incident define you as your identity, you know, not making your identity. Now I'm a disabled person, you know, making your identity is, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm Ken or I'm, you know, so and so and this is what I can do. So I think that's so important and one thing I want to address before we wrap up the episode here is the title of your book.

Actually, I was just very curious where that stemmed from and why that was the final. Title chosen for the book. Okay, while I was still in the rehab facility, this is back in 1971, I was asked to testify before a United States Health Subcommittee chaired by Senator Edward Kennedy.  And eight days after my testimony, Senator Kennedy sent me a glass paperweight in the mail that had an inscription on it that the senator said his late brother Robert Kennedy liked very much. 

And the words on that inscription  have always been very meaningful to me.  The inscription read, Some men see things as they are, and say why. I dream of things that never were, and say why not. And that's why I got the title of my book. I dream of things that never were, the Ken Conklin story.  Awesome. Yeah, I had known that quote before, so I was wondering if there was a correlation there.

But to know it was so connected almost personally, that's really amazing. And so, as we close off here, I just want to leave everyone with What you're doing today, obviously, we're going to have your website in the description below for people to check out your book as well as your other podcast appearances, but kind of just the, the mission now that you are out here, podcast guesting and you have your book. 

Okay, well, thank you. Um, as I indicated, my first job was working for a facility called Abilities Incorporated and I was a vocational rehabilitation counselor.  And 30 years after I left that job, while I was working as an attorney,  the president con of that organization contacted me and asked me to be a member of their board of directors, which I've been very thrilled to accept.

So now I'm a member of the board of Directors of the Viscardi Center here on Long Island, where we're dedicated to trying to help other individuals with disabilities. Um, do good things with their lives, whether it be go back to school, get vocational training and in particular, placement and to be able to work at jobs.

So I am now on their board of directors and I'm active in trying to help other individuals with disabilities, try and secure employment and to encourage employers to give people that opportunity. And I might just say that in my job as an assistant district attorney, Um, I was fortunate to have a very progressive, forward thinking boss, the district attorney at the time, Dennis Stillen, um, fortunately based his hiring decision on my abilities rather than my disability.

And I was promoted a number of times, where I eventually became one of the deputy bureau chiefs of our office, where I was helping supervise more than 25 other assistant district attorneys. So I want to make it known that somebody with a disability can not only work and work well, but not only at an entry level position.

Here I was a supervisor. And I might add that  one of the things that my office does is when you finally leave the office, you go through what's called an exit interview, where you tell somebody in the personnel department what you like best about the job and what you thought could be improved. And I'm proud to say that on a number of occasions, The Assistant District Attorney, when they left, said the best part of their job was meeting, working with, and getting to know me. 

And I say that not to brag, I'm saying that because what they were referring to was meeting and getting to work with, on a daily basis, somebody with a significant disability. Because unless they had a close relative with a disability, most people never had the opportunity. To be in close contact with someone on a daily basis and it was a revelation revelation to them Um That for one it did not mean any additional work for them Right that I carried my weight that I was a hard worker but also They seemed to learn a lot by my attitude and my motivation And they felt it benefited them and I might add that now that i've retired and left the office The office honored me by naming an annual award after me, the Kenneth J.

Kunkin Award, that they now give out to an outstanding Assistant District Attorney every year in my name. And I'm not only very honored by that, but I think it sends a broad message to everybody that a person with a disability can make an enormous difference in so many people's lives once they're given that opportunity. 

I completely agree and I'm very honored to be able to share you so that other people with disabilities and setbacks can hear your story and know that they can not only do something, they can do something great, something extraordinary with their lives including helping other people in their situation.

So I really appreciate what you do, continuing to work and go out there to spread this message and I appreciate you taking the time today to do that on this show.  Thank you for giving me this opportunity. I appreciate that because that helps me reach more people. So thank you.